Heartbroken

Wow. Just had a light bulb moment. I've spent most of the day feeling really sick and upset and anxious and all over the place got into bed and I was listening to different meditations and things on how to deal with a loss and it's suddenly dawned on me that the reason it wasn't working is because I haven't had a loss I've had a massive gain. Yes I've lost my dogs who I was very, very very close with and I love them to bits. But my revolution was that like me with my mental health. I tried getting help from people for years but because I wasn't being treated for the right problem because people didn't know what the problem was. I wasn't getting anywhere and it's the same with the dogs because I don't know what caused the aggression. What caused the attack? What caused them to be like that with each other? And the kindest thing I could have done was to take them to the professionals even though I've had multiple arguments of myself that I've done the wrong thing. I at this point genuinely feel for them that they can get the help that they need and that they deserve. And I know the professionals will do that for them because they've got a lot of potential. And if I can say that the professionals will say that too. And I can say that from my own experience. It also dawned on me that it's very similar in that my parents have always loved me but they had to let me get the right help and that was a lot of tough love which I didn't see at the time. But what I've done with them is for their benefit. I haven't benefited from it in an emotional way because I've lost them and I felt and I still do feel very upset about it but I had to get them the right help. I know at times I feel guilty, but I need to be proud of what I've done. I've done the hardest thing I could of done, and given up something that brought me a lot of happiness and joy. It suddenly dawned on me that although they seemed really happy and loving and content they had their own massive demons just like me. In at therapy to address mine and to get better, I had to do what I did for those dogs to get them the help they need and absolutely deserve. Same as me, I finally believe i can do this I can get there. Which I firmly believe the dogs will too. Same as me im a good person, I just have bad habits and bad patterns of behaviour which can be changed given the right therapy. It's exactly the same as the dogs, for whatever reason (unknown to me) after a lot of research sometimes their nature ie instinct of animals, kicks in for the wrong reason. But ultimately they need help, just like me. And I've given them that. I've helped them .
So instead of dwelling on the negatives that I've built up in my own head, which is I've abandoned them, I've thrown them away because it was too much, it isn't that. I've realised why I've done what I've done. And I need to really draw strength in my decision now and stop doubting myself because I did it out of care and love. They will not suffer anymore , they will get the peace they need and the love and affection I gave them. I just couldn't give them professional hp, not through not wanting to. But through not being trained, not being an expert. The same as why I would never get better on my own. The same as they wouldn't have ever got better unless I got them the right help. I couldn't help that, it was out of my control. I want to thank people out there who have trained to become experts to help people like me. And people who have trained to understand and help animals, you will really change my dogs lives.
Be strong. You've got this. You've done the right thing. Remember that when you get sad and miss them, you will miss them. But your changing their lives which you would of never been able to do yourself.