Help and Advice for a stubborn Staffy hater

Hi Guys,

A while ago I posted a video about Nita and my sisters pooch and asked if Nita was being aggressive towards him.

This is the video https://www.youtube.com/edit?o=U&video_id=s_bzxj1phOA

Long story short, my brother in law ended up grabbing Nita by the collar and lifting her off the floor and threw her out into the garden. Suffice to say this did not go down well with me at all and resulted in a massive argument and brother in law pinned up against the wall by ones hand. When things calmed down, apologies were made and an offering of whiskey was taken and all good. However, my sister is not letting it go. This was a good two years ago and in that time they have got rid of their dog (my brother in law suffered with allergies).

Due to this, I have not seen my nephew in all this time apart from the odd chat when I take my Mum over to them and we have a chat on the doorstep (he is now 12).

I found out that my sister does not want my nephew to come round to mine as she is worried Nita will attack him when my back is turned. As us Staffy owners know, that's not how it works but despite this she is still adamant that I cannot see my nephew when Nita is around. Now, being a single chap Nita is my side kick. Where I go she goes and I won't have it any other way, especially as she wasn't treat very well before she joined my one man family.

Not only this but she has been a massive help in getting me on the road to recovery due to my depression and anxiety that I have suffered with for a couple of years. To the point that her being around me has had more of an effect than all the counselling I have had (yeh I'm laying it out here).

My sister is aware of this and at one point I went and offered an olive branch only to be told by my sister that until I 'get better' she doesn't want to know, even though I am aware this is more about Nita than me.

So...what the hell do I do? My Mum was petrified of Nita when she first met her but realises now that these Staffys are not the demon dogs that are unfortunately portrayed in the media and are in fact loyal, happy and loving dogs.

I found out my sis and bro in law are adopting a child and while I am so proud of them for doing this, I feel that because Nita is here, I will be left out. I will add, at no point is Nita going anywhere. She is firmly in my one man 'pack' so to speak.

Suffice to say, I am laying myself open here by telling strangers all about this but I really could do with some advice on how to fix this, if at all possible.

So sorry to hear of this. Peoples misconceptions about the breed are so sad especially when it's people close to you.

Could your mum have a quiet word with your sister maybe and see if she would be happy to come around yours to see Nita? Then after your sister saw Nita isn't a threat maybe she could bring your nephew round and watch him and Nita so any fears can be put to rest.

I'd also give her a list of websites like Battersea etc who do the Staffies softer then you think campaign. Maybe doing some research for herself she can see this breed isn't what the media make out. 

Really hope it works out well and I must say how lovely it is to hear you saw that Nita will always be with you. Breaks my heart how many people don't work through things like this and just give their dogs away.

Good luck x

I think I read somewhere where that if doctors could prescribe dogs as medicine for certain illnesses then they would, dogs really can help people in all sorts of ways so I'm not surprised that she comes as a package with you Ains.

Often, in cases like this compromise is required. In order to get closer to your nephew you might have to agree to leave Nita at home and build the relationship with your sister and nephew, then over time slowly introduced Nita into the picture once you've built up that better relationship. This could be done by popping over and leaving Nita in the car whilst you say hi but making sure they all know you've left her outside. The hope then is that she will soften.

The thing I would advise not to do is to stand hard and fast, that won't achieve either of your aims. Certainly involve your mum, as suggested above, to put a good word in for Nita but I think you need to build things with your sister one step at a time.

Would your sister go on a walk with you and Nita. If your sister can see how well behaved Nita is on a walk it might help improve her perception of the breed.

Wise words, Ian. Sometimes by giving a little you'll create a feeling from the other person that it's their turn to give too.

-Ian- wrote:I think I read somewhere where that if doctors could prescribe dogs as medicine for certain illnesses then they would, dogs really can help people in all sorts of ways so I'm not surprised that she comes as a package with you Ains.

Often, in cases like this compromise is required. In order to get closer to your nephew you might have to agree to leave Nita at home and build the relationship with your sister and nephew, then over time slowly introduced Nita into the picture once you've built up that better relationship. This could be done by popping over and leaving Nita in the car whilst you say hi but making sure they all know you've left her outside. The hope then is that she will soften.

The thing I would advise not to do is to stand hard and fast, that won't achieve either of your aims. Certainly involve your mum, as suggested above, to put a good word in for Nita but I think you need to build things with your sister one step at a time.

Yes, I've offered a compromise such as this but no joy at all, the stigma is there. What is upsetting is that much as I trust Nita, I would never leave her alone with any child at all and it's frustrating that the sister can't see past that and past the fact that as a responsible staffy owner I wouldn't want any harm done to either the pooch or my nephew but that my nephew would come first anyway.

Also, I have seen how Nita reacts to kids when she has been at the park and we pass them. She either ignores them or wants them to throw her ball for her and happily plays with them and runs alongside them just as she does for anyone.

I feel really bad for you, having dogs has helped me thru depression too. If it was me I'd write a letter to my sister explaining I wouldn't leave any dog unsupervised with a child & how u feel isolated from the family. Maybe she would come herself first and spend sometime with Nita. I love how your girl means so much to you & hope this gets resolved

I'm in a very similar situation too. At the end of the day my dog means the world to me and whatever happens he stays!

Can u perhaps get your sister to spend a bit of time with you and nita then introduce your nephew ? Id perhaps if shes agreeable go surf the internet and look up fhe staffy hopefully in time she warms to nita and see what a great bond you have and what a fantastic breed our dogs are . Good luck ains

If you have tried compromise, there's not an awful lot more you can do other than keeping the door open. Make sure your sister knows that you are more than keen to find a way to resolve this, one that includes Nita at some point down the line, and that the ball is in her court. Maybe offer ideas such as a walk in the park with Nita on lead or something, but equally say you understand the decision is with her.

Then give Nita a big cuddle.

dizzy wrote:I'm in a very similar situation too. At the end of the day my dog means the world to me and whatever happens he stays!

It's awful isn't it? It's really frustrating that our choice of pooch causes so much rift amongst families. They get such a hard time and it really is unjustified.