Pooch advice needed further to marriage breakdown

Hi all, I wish I wasn't having to create this post but life throughs you a curve ball sometimes!

On 1st February my wife left me. I have had to move to my parents house and I have our Dog, Kiara with me. On the whole she seems to have settled well at my parents house and for the first couple of days I walked her fine.

However, now she refuses to go out for a walk unless either my Mom or Dad accompany us. She just turns straight around, shuffles backwards and tries to slip her lead but as soon as either of my parents come out of the house she is happy to go for a walk. The only thing I can think is that she is used to be walked by me and my wife. I don't know how I can make her comfortable to walk with just me as I can't force her to go out. I walk her on a canny collar which is great as before she was a real puller. My parents are going on holiday in a couple of weeks and I'm worried that she won't go for a walk for two weeks whilst they are away.

I have tried coaxing her with treats but it doesn't work.

Many thanks

Firstly, sorry to read of your recent troubles

My Flo has had this same issue. If two people walk her she's fine, pop her in the car, she's fine but a walk with one person can be problematic. So you've tried the treat thing and still no joy so try making a real fun fuss if going out so that you distract Kiara until you're well away from the house.

You could also try changing your route from the start of the walk. I resolved this for me and my OH by picking my Flo up and carrying her, no mean feat but it got her going. Now the OH can't do this so easy and will simply not take a refusal and tells Flo sternly that they are going whether she likes it or not.

Once Floor in s at the park she loves it, so it isn't because she's hurt or anything, I just think she prefers to arrive at the park by car

My son still can't walk her, she flatly refuses and he doesn't have the patience which makes it worse as she knows he will give in and return indoors.

Hopefully Kiara will settle and get into a routine for you.

Im sorry to hear about your marriage break down

For the walking, i would be inclined to not start at your house. I would drive somewhere, and see how she is then. Another thing to try is to have your mum or dad walk to a half way point, then leave you (go into a shop etc) and you must walk home.

so sorry for your troubles ,the time spent on walks with ur parents will have to be reduced gradually there will be less chance of kiara pining for either of your parents this way. have you thought of taking a favourite toy on the walk then when you have reached a certain point she gets the toy as a reward?

Thank you all for you replies.
I will give the toy idea a go, that could work. Last night my Dad tried to leave us whilst on the walk, he stopped and I continued around a corner into another road but as soon as she realised he wasn't there she turned around and wouldn't continue forwards. She does this thing where she pulls backwards and just tries to slip her canny collar. If I keep trying to coax her forwards she will go as far as to throw herself on the floor and roll in order to make me turn back.

adamprinceofeternia wrote: If I keep trying to coax her forwards she will go as far as to throw herself on the floor and roll in order to make me turn back.

Yup, experienced this as well, can be quiet a comical sight to my neighbours

I'm so sorry to hear this.

I like lexii's idea of driving somewhere else, and I'd also put another idea to you. Don't worry about walks per se, it sounds like you are starting to put pressure on yourself to resolve this, and pressure is one of the best way of blocking our animals.

I would imagine that at the moment you are feeling pretty raw. I would also imagine that walking Kiara, with its associations, feels pretty raw too. These things transmit, and it may well be that is what is making her feel worried. Add to that your feeling that you have to walk...

So I'd go armed with a thermos and a two packs of biscuits, one for you and one for her, and I'd find somewhere quiet to just sit. Just the two of you, not going anywhere, with no need to do anything, but just sit with each other. That might be in the corner of a park, on a field gate, anywhere that you can get to easily from the car (you don't want to have to walk 5 minutes!) and that is quiet.

Have Kiara on a long lead and throw her some treats to snuffle up, then let her be. The only thing she can't do is try and pull away, otherwise just let her relax. If she wants a cuddle, that's great, if she doesn't then just watch her and love her anyway.

You don't need to stay too long, you're really just seeing a good place for the two of you with no pressures, but you might find you both like it and want to stay a bit longer. If she does start snuffling, you might find that she is happy to move off a bit but don't force it.

For yourself, take this time to breathe, to relax. I know it's not going to be easy but try, for you as well as for her.

Wel guys I thought I'd give you an update. Kiara is now walking fine with me in my own. I now have another BIG PROBLEM. Since Friday night she has suddenly started barking at night. And when I mean barking at night I mean all night. The first night and second I couldn't stand it any longer and ended up letting her upstairs to sleep in bed with me. Tonight I have not paid any attention to the barking I have just gone up to bed. She has now been barking for 1 hour and 35 minutes solid. I don't know what to do. I need my sleep
And so do my parents. I'm worried the neighbours will complain and given my circumstances at the moment it's just too much to take.

Well done on sorting the walking problem. One thing at a time, one day at a time and it will all come together. Has your routine changed in the past few days in terms of sleeping arrangements for Kiara (beautiful name btw), it could well be just a phase or it could be something more - sounds like a form of separation anxiety if she is not barking otherwise. Could you let her sleep near you so she can see you, perhaps she is worried of being left by you ? I don't know, just throwing it out there.

Hey! Sounds like you're doing really well, our little Staffies are such sensitive mites when it comes down to it. As Bek has mentioned, any disruption in routine can upset them. If she's not barking when she's upstairs with you it may be that something has spooked her when shes alone downstairs or that as mentioned she wants to be close by.

Is she being left for any long periods in the day? Where does she sleep downstairs? A lot of forum members have their dogs sleeping in with them - a lot of Staffies love being so close. Bug sleeps downstairs on the sofa, wrapped in blankets with a few teddies to cuddle up with and she's happy. It's up to you where you would like her to sleep really.

Nothing has changed for her in the past few days so I'm confused as to why she had suddenly started. I would have thought that if she was going to do this it would have been 6 weeks ago when my wife left me and I moved back to my parents house.

She sleeps in the kitchen downstairs. When me and my wife lived together she slept downstairs too although she had the run of downstairs but she can't have that unoccupied at my parents (kitchen is big though). The first two nights it happened I let her come upstairs after a while and she slept with me and was fine then but I don't want to make this the norm as I'll never be able to go away as there will be problems then.

Monday's and Tuesday's my mom is in all day so she has company. The rest of the week she is left from 8:15 until 13:15 when I come home from work on my lunch break and let her out to the toilet. She comeback In and I the. Go back to work and get home about 17:30 although my Mom and Dad get back before me.

She stopped barking eventually last night at 03:20 ish. When I went downstairs this morning she had urinated and pooed on the floor.

I agree with the above, but... as you do want her to sleep downstairs you need to sort this out with her there. Once you start bringing her upstairs, which I agree is where they generally prefer to be, she'll find it hard to go back down again and you'll have a bigger problem than you had before.

I'd firstly go and have a word with all the neighbours who can hear her. Explain the situation, let them know you're working on it and offer to buy them all earplugs. People tend to get much less annoyed if they know why and are told beforehand.

I'd then have a plan that involves a good walk just before bed and maybe some thinking games. Just before you go up, hide treats round the place for her to hunt out, which should help with the immediate 'oh no, they've gone' moment. Try leaving a radio on low, classical music or voice would be best. Hopefully that sort of thing should be enough to settle her for the night. You should then be able to ease them off later.

As to why, it sometimes takes a while for things to bed down for a dog, and you can often get random behaviours that appear then disappear a few weeks after a change. It's also worth keeping an eye in case there is anything medical. If this persists and/or if you see anything else odd, it might be worth a pop down to the vet to make sure.

By the way, great news on the walking! How did you do it?

Thank you. I thought This morning that it might be an idea to give her a good walk just before bed. The walking I just persevered and might parents also went away for two weeks (they just got back yesterday) and she seemed to give in to it.

I had read about the citronella collars and wondered whether I should try that or whether it would be a bad thing to do?

Thank you all.

Pleased to read the walking is better

I would only have Kiara on the bed with you as an absolute last resort if you don't want it to be a normal night time thing. A late walk should help and the radio etc.

Not sure about the citronella collars as I've never used them sorry. Let us know how you get on.

Just to be a pain how is she walking at night usually? Bug really struggles in the dark is all, so walking her at night just puts her on edge and she's more likely to react at home. But, as long as your girl isn't to sketchy tiring her out before bed would be useful. How long is she left for during the day/if at all?

I wouldn't be adding a citronella collar into the mix, personally, they're not very nice and will only upset her further when she's clearly already distressed about something. I would try the walk if possible and as mentioned the consistency of leaving her downstairs if you don't want her to be sleeping in your room permanently would be best. Make sure she's comfy, go completely back to basics if needs be. How long did she bark for last night, or did she come upstairs in the end?

Hi Rachel. If you have a look at one of my above posts I have detailed how long she is left for in the day (sorry I'm being lazy as I can't being as I can't be bothered to type it out again, lol).
I don't think she minds the dark too much, she can be edgy sometimes but more so if it's really windy.

She barked non stop from 23:00 to 03:20 ish and I didn't go down to her at all.

Cheers

Oops sorry i'm on my phone and missed your post between mine and Liz's!! Hm, she seems to have a fair amount of company then. It is quite strange that she has suddenly started but as Liz has said these behaviours do crop up at random from time to time. The messing on the floor sounds to me like she's quite distressed, this is quite common in dogs that have separation anxiety. Have you spoken to your neighbours and asked if she's barking in the day at all when she's left alone?

Is she spayed also? Just wondering if she's coming into season, which can throw them out a bit sometimes. It's quite a long time for her to barking, is it a high pitched/fast paced bark or deep/slower bark?

That's ok

That's ok

For some strange reason when I try to respond it's only showing the top line of what I have typed so I'll try again!

The bark was definatley on the deep side.  Mr and my ex used to record her whenever we went out in order to be able to check that she wasn't ever barking whilst we were out and upsetting our neighbours. I recorded her on Saturday when I nipped out and she was constantly howling in a low weird way which I have never heard before.  Strangely though when I when I went out to dinner in Saturday evening I recorded her and she didn't make a sound! But then bed time came and bam! Barking.

She is spayed.  I'll be trying the late night walk tonight before bed.  Im unsure about the radio, won't it disturb her and potentially upset her?

A low volume radio can offer comfort, worth a try at least I guess

If you leave soothing classical or voice radio, low volume, it can help. Especially the classical stuff. They've just installed a music system at the rescue centre where I volunteer and the dogs have classical music on all day. It's been going since just before Christmas and the verdict is that they are less barky.

Well good news everyone! I took her for a walk before bed last night and she seemed a little jumpy but image manages to complete the walk. No barking at all!!!!!! My Dad covered the large glass back window so she couldn't see out of it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it stays this way

My fingers are crossed for you too!

Thank you Liz, thank you all for your help and advice. I spoke too soon about the walking problem though! My parents came back Sunday, she walked fine Sunday night but they weren't in, yesterday they were out and she went out fine but, tonight may parents were in and she wasn't having it. I tried and tried but she wouldn't leave the bottom of the steps until my Dad joined us! Ah well, I'd rather have this than the barking so hopefully she doesn't start barking tonight!

On the upside at least things are moving in the right direction and you're getting some sleep too

Yeah very true. Hopefully she sleeps through tonight fine

Oh dear, I spoke too soon, she's barking her head off again

Oh no... Small steps I guess

adamprinceofeternia wrote: I tried and tried but she wouldn't leave the bottom of the steps until my Dad joined us!  

This will cause you more problems if you're not careful. If she puts the brakes on until she gets something, you hold out for a while and then give in, what she's learning is that if she persists for long enough she'll get what she wants. To be honest, I'd rather even have a wee in the house than set her up to know that she can out-wait you.

If she does this again, maybe use your dad as her reward. You might need to pick her up for the first couple of times, but get her outside first then get your dad to come out. If that works and she learns that going out means he will join her, you should then be able to work to get further away before he comes.

She really does sound confused, poor lass. And not easy for you. Be strong, you'll get there.

Thanks Liz. Fortunately I panicked prematurely last night as in the end she only barked for 10 minutes and then stopped for the rest of the night

I can get her to leave the house no problem and she will walk down all of the steps to the path it's just as soon as I then try to take her further that she refuses. I tried and tried yesterday but she just wouldn't budge. Dad came down and then she was fine! Mom and Dad will be out tonight so I should t have a problem in her going with me if the past is anything to go by.

adamprinceofeternia wrote:Thanks Liz.  Fortunately I panicked prematurely last night as in the end she only barked for 10 minutes and then stopped for the rest of the night

Great news

Hi all, just thought I'd post an update. Since I lad posted Kiara has had a few nights bark free but the last three nights she has barked, albeit for 10 mins max. Unfortunately as I type now she has been barking for the last 25 minutes

Hmmm. There must be something triggering her? Do you think she's hearing something outdoors? Did you try the radio on low?

Maybe she can I don't know,she starts pretty much as soon as the door is closed and I go upstairs. As I say she has has a couple of nights bark free and a couple lasting only 5 and 10 minutes. Last night she did it for an hour.
I haven't tried the radio yet, maybe I'll give it a go. I'm just really worried that somehow she won't like it and it will make her bark all night. Obviously once I've turned it on I can't go and turn it off until the morning as if I do she will think that barking will make me go down to her.
When she was barking last night she stopped when she heard my dad walk down the stairs to go to the toilet but started again as soon as she heard him going back up to bed.

Try the radio well before you go to bed. Have it on for a bit while you sit quietly, reading a book or something. If you only switch it on as you leave her she could well start to pick up an association between the radio and you going. Instead, either put it on at random times or associate it with nice, quiet time.

I agree with Rachel that the probably is something setting her off, but it could be something like a fox or a cat in the gardens, something you'll never know is there and that you can do nothing about.

It might be worth looking at a DAP diffuser:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/ADAPTIL-C13311R-Adaptil-Diffuser-48ml/dp/B0038XBOJC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458720753&sr=8-1&keywords=dap+diffuser+plug+in

Some dogs seem to respond well to them, other it makes no difference. It's probably worth a try, though. If you do, don't try the radio for the first time at the same time, otherwise you won't know which worked (if either does!).