Starting to think I have made a mistake

In getting a puppy Roman is mainly my other halves but I am struggling with him so much.

My OH works nights so when hes working I have to deal with Roman all day and all night (OH walks him in the morning and evening for me) But it is too much.

I am 26 weeks pregnant and having massive complications meaning I spend more time in hospital than at home and when I am home I am supposed to be doing nothing at all (doctors orders) as baby is threatening to come early.

I find I am getting too wound up with Roman and often end up in tears as I cannot cope on my own with him. I know his behavior is totally normal (biting, chewing etc) but it's too much. If he has an accident indoors I can't bend down to clean up properly. He wants to go out for a wee every 30 mins but I struggle to stand up etc. Then because he wants attention that I cannot give him he starts being extra naughty.

Obviously when we got him all was fine and we had no problems. I just don't know what to do    

Oh my is there no one who could walk Roman through the day or help you out? I really don't know what else to suggest only that he is still young and things will get easier, I do feel for you and hope you can sort something out xxxx

Inez Maria wrote:Oh my is there no one who could walk Roman through the day or help you out? I really don't know what else to suggest only that he is still young and things will get easier, I do feel for you and hope you can sort something out xxxx

No I have no friends or family round here. OH's mum has Roman when she can if I am in hospital etc which is a help.

I just feel so guilty. I am not one to buy an animal just to rehome it etc and it took us a longggg time to get a dog as we wanted to make sure everything was right.

I wasn't going to even write this thread but I had to let it out. I just do not know how to cope.

honestly he's being a puppy, they need to go for a wee every 2 minutes, they haven't learnt to amuse themselves yet they get bored every 10 seconds, and all you can do is be patient with him and try to get your OH as involved as possible

Aww Hun, it's hard at the best of times, jees I remember puppyhood with a shiver and I wasn't pregnant, but I do have a dibilatating illness and I struggled, so I know a little of were your coming from, how about employing a dog walker? It honestly does get easier I promise. Rant away, that's what we're here for.

The walking isn't so much of a problem as my OH does that. As soon as he gets home in the morning he gets Roman up, feeds him and walks him whilst I get up. Then OH goes to bed and I am left with Roman. OH then walks him again early evening before he heads to work.

I just feel so alone. This is my OH's 1st baby (my 3rd) and it is so scary, but I do pretty much everything on my own. I attend all my hospital visits alone so OH can stay with Roman (his mum does have him when she can).

I love him dearly and really don't want to be without him. I am so stressed

Oh Kate, I'm so sorry you are feeling so miserable, but I am glad that you have an outlet to express your worries (ie us, who are always here for you).

It is so difficult for you having problems with your pregnancy (I won't pry) but your health and your baby's health MUST take priority and tbh it is up to your OH to take the strain off of you for both your sakes. I understand about your OH working nights and needing to sleep during the day, but a puppy is a lot of hard work and needs more than walking morning and evening.

If your OH's parents can't help out more, then my best suggestion would be to engage a dog-walker/puppy sitter to give Roman the attention and training that he needs. And don't forget that this extra help will need to continue after your baby is born.

I wish you the best of luck Kate - do let us know how you get on, we are always here for you       

I so hope that you can find a solution that eases the stress for you

As others have said a dog walker could be an option if nothing more than to give you a break and an hour to yourself in the day or maybe look at doggy day care for a couple of days a week

Is 2 walks a day not enough at his age? He has about 30 mins in the morning and evening, hes 15/16 weeks (totally forgotten how many weeks, bad mummy).

My poor OH is trying so hard to help out, he worked 10 hours overnight last night and only slept for a broken 3 hours today as he had to mind roman whilst I was at hospital and now hes doing another 10/11 hours at work.

My iccle doggy is so spoilt otherwise, he wants for nothing!

I will look into local dog walkers and see what they charge etc. xx

It's good to hear that your OH is giving Roman good walks morning and evening; it's the times in between that are a problem for you, as especially at his age he cannot be expected to lie down and sleep quietly for the other 23 hours a day/night. Ideally, given this regime, he would benefit by another 30 minute walk at midday, but will also require/demand play-time (chucking things about for him to chase and bring back, ad infinitum ) and training so that he becomes a good well-behaved doggie when he's grown up, and to exercise him mentally. This is where I think a GOOD dog-walker/puppysitter - playmate - trainer could help you so much, if you are lucky enough to find such a person.

Wishing you the best of luck Kate,     

Thank you, I have found a local dog walker and dropped her an email so we shall see how things go xx

A local dog walker will be such a help! For a start they'll give you a little time to yourself to relax! Do check that they are CRB checked, and that they have a good raport with your pup. It might help if they can spend a little time at your home with him, to get to know him, before they start to take him out.

If they charge by the hour & he only needs half an hour's walk, maybe they can spend the other half an hour helping you to housetrain him? You never know, they could become a friend who'll be willing to help out from time to time!

im sorry to say that it was very selfish of you oh to get a dog that he can't be there to look after when you are pregnant. Noone should get a dog when they are pregnant, its possibly the worst time to have a puppy.

But i will also say that he doesnt need that amount of attention! It will make him anxious later on. He needs to learn that being by himself is okay and normal. I would be starting crate trainign now and that will give you all time out.

A crate might be a good idea, although time spent in it should be kept to a minimum, and he should be introduced to it slowly & carefully.

It should never be used as an alternative to play/attention, though. Just for the odd 30 minutes or so, a couple of times a day, to give you time to settle down & have a cup of tea!

Hayley wrote:im sorry to say that it was very selfish of you oh to get a dog that he can't be there to look after when you are pregnant. Noone should get a dog when they are pregnant, its possibly the worst time to have a puppy.

I don't totally agree with that. Yes, it's more difficult, but it can be done. Nobody was to know that this pregnancy would be difficult.

And what's happened has happened, and ideas on how to cope are better than condemnations.  

I cannot imagine what you are going through Kate   , have you thought about puppy day care ? check on line to see if anyone in your area does this.

Just had a quick look for you, I don't where abouts in Bournemouth you are but maybe check these out?

http://www.barkersofwestbourne.com/dog-day-care-and-minding/

http://nuts-about-mutts.co.uk/index.html

http://www.barkingmad.uk.com/

Caryll wrote:

Hayley wrote:im sorry to say that it was very selfish of you oh to get a dog that he can't be there to look after when you are pregnant. Noone should get a dog when they are pregnant, its possibly the worst time to have a puppy.

I don't totally agree with that. Yes, it's more difficult, but it can be done. Nobody was to know that this pregnancy would be difficult.

And what's happened has happened, and ideas on how to cope are better than condemnations.  

Might want to read my edit then, instead of condemning me

Sorry, but I can't see any edit.

And I wasn't condemning you, just saying that condemning the op's oh isn't helpful.

It wasnt just his choice, I agreed as he had been waiting a long time to get a dog and as I wasn't working it seemed like a good time. We didnt know this pregnancy was going to take such a horrible turn.
OH's mum got their dog (RIP Josh) when she was pregnant with OH and Josh was my OH's best friend. He lost him 13 years ago and still crys about it to this day so having a pup whilst being pregnant can be done.

Roman has a crate which he goes in overnight, he has no problems with his crate. I try not to put him in during the day unless he goes in on his own as I don't like to coop him up.

He is currently asleep on the sofa next to me so I am getting some time out which is nice!

The dog walker I emailed does 1hr walks or 30 min walks so I will probably start off with 30 mins once or twice a week after xmas. x

Don't be worried about popping him in his crate a couple of times during the day to give yourself a break for a short while, he might even profit from a quick nap. Better that than making yourself ill!

You could also give him a stuffed kong to occupy him for a bit   

I think you're both making the very best of a bad situation. Exhaustion is probably playing a big part in getting you down as much as the puppy. In the grand scheme of things puppyhood lasts a very short time, so if you can get some help through this difficult time it will soon pass and you WILL get so much love and joy from your wee dog. Just try to hang in there both of you.

Thank you for all the support I honestly thought I was going to get mob lynched for saying I am struggling!

We have already tried him with a kong... it was amazing at first but now he knows to to get all the treats out within minutes haha! He's a bright button! He most favorite toy in the world is a plastic bottle.... give him an empty coke bottle / water bottle and he will chase it around for ages! It has been my savior at times as it wears him out lol.

We are really trying very hard to make this work as he is so loved. Its just very stressful at the moment. We have had nothing but bad news hit us over the last couple of weeks, including our landlord kicking us out rather than fix the problems in the property.

Very high risk pregnancy with baby threatening to come any day, house hunting, xmas and a puppy are all getting too much now.

8 weeks ago our life was perfect, no problems, stable, happy.

I realise I am waffling, I am just really stressed and worried and generally fed up!!!

So sorry about all that's going on but things always are worse before they get better.
Perhaps you could stuff the kong with some treats and peanut butter and freeze it this will take a longer time to destroy. Plus the frozen element will help with any teething problems   

Inez Maria wrote:So sorry about all that's going on but things always are worse before they get better.
Perhaps you could stuff the kong with some treats and peanut butter and freeze it this will take a longer time to destroy. Plus the frozen element will help with any teething problems   

Not a bad idea One I keep meaning to do and always forgetting about lol!

Oh do try it does usually work a treat xx

I mashed sweet potato and stuff that in Darcy's kong and freeze, she loves it. Definitely give it a go

Slightly off topic but can you get in touch with Shelter? They have advisors who can possibly help with the landlord issues. If you google their website has info on.

Slightly off topic but can you get in touch with Shelter? They have advisors who can possibly help with the landlord issues. If you google their website has info on.

Blooming phone...

Slightly off topic but can you get in touch with Shelter? They have advisors who can possibly help with the landlord issues. If you google their website has info on.

Yeah I have been in touch with them and the homeless prevention team at my council.

Basically we have damp and the landlord refused to sort it. Its made my OH's asthma so much worse so I got fed up and went to environmental health. They advised the landlord to go and sort stuff because if they did a formal inspection they would find stuff we wouldn't... landloady refused to listen so... EHO did a formal inspection and the place needs thousands of pounds worth of work doing to make it safe. She was given 60 days to complete works before EHO do another inspection on 7th Feb.

Well in her infinite wisdom she decides that rather than do the work, she will just serve us a section 21 kicking us out. We have to be out on 21st Feb but cannot afford to move. The stupid thing is she didnt realise she STILL has to complete the work!!! So now she will have a massive bill to pay and no rent coming in to cover the work costs, she struggled finding people to rent this place and had to reduce the rent to get us in.

She is a massive fool and so heartless. She is now ignoring the letting agents and the EHO so she is going to land herself in a lot of hot water as well as making us homeless

Sorry to go majorly off topic there

Mashed banana and peanut butter is another good kong filling or cooked mince and as Inez says if you freeze it, it will last longer  

Frozen kongs are an absolute god send also have a look online for bento balls and I have a boomer treat ball for Ledger for Xmas

Oh yes, Daisy loves her bento ball too. I can't put the treats it comes with in anymore as we've changed to raw but I still stuff it with treats.

Your landlady's a heartless, ignorant, idiotic *&%$£!!!!

I mean, how stupid can somebody get? I really hope you find somewhere to go very soon. Can the Council help you? Or as already said Shelter?

Jeeeeeez, have you tried to contact your local Citizen Advice office, I'm sure they would be able to help somehow.

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

I'm sure a housing association could help too, we are with Places for People please feel free to contact them too. As you are being made homeless through no fault of your own you should be at the top of any housing list:

http://www.placesforpeople.co.uk/

SO sorry to hear that all your problems are coming at once, Kate. As well as everything that Caryll said above, your landlady sounds like a vindictive beast as well.   

Can it really be lawful to kick a heavily pregnant woman out into the snow, merely because she has asked that her rented home be made habitable?????

Anyhow, you've been given great advice above and we all wish you the very best of luck. Don't forget that we are always here to help all we can, or even just to have a collective shoulder to cry on, as that can help lower your blood pressure at least.

Don't despair Kate - we'll all help all we can with Roman and your housing situation         

Lynda wrote:we all wish you the very best of luck.  Don't forget that we are always here to help all we can, or even just to have a collective shoulder to cry on, as that can help lower your blood pressure at least.

Don't despair Kate - we'll all help all we can with Roman and your housing situation         

Hey - I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time at the moment but please don't get yourself worked up about it as training a puppy is hard work.

I know you said you'd tried a kon which is brilliant - maybe try and find some different treats, or put a little peanut butter into the kong and freeze and give it to him as a treat.
Also when it comes to dinner time maybe try a treat ball or a kong wobbler to get him working for his food.

If they are using their noses it will tire them out well.

Also would puppy mats be a viable option? I know it isn't ideal but would it help your situation by maybe putting it by the door you let him out so he is getting the idea still of where he needs to go.

I wish you all the best and we are here to listen and help

Sorry for delay in replying, been so busy!

Well Roman seems to be better and his toilet training is pretty much perfect and hes only 16/17 weeks!! The only accidents we have are when we don't let him out in time so not his fault bless him.

He has some more toys and he seems happy to wear himself out playing with these whilst I sit and watch. My OH is still doing all the walking and doing his best to help where he can.

I have started using the crate a bit more, not loads but once every so often I will pop him in there for 10 mins whilst I shower etc so I dont have to worry about him. He seems ok with this. When hes good hes very very good.... but when hes bad hes horrid

I keep trying to tell myself a lot of it will be down to me being highly stressed, hopefully in a couple of months everything will be ok and I won't be so stressed.

Still no joy on the housing front but hey ho!

Aww Kate that's really great, it sounds like your both getting there together. Hopefully the house hunting will go smoothly too

Glad to hear things are going better xx

Glad to hear things are going better, good luck with the house hunting  

Bless him he was so good today. I was shattered as Im not sleeping well, I ended up falling asleep on the sofa this afternoon.

Dangerous move.... however I woke up and Roman was just cuddled up to me and NOTHING had moved in the lounge so he obviously sat with me the whole time I was napping. Bless him <3

I'm so glad to hear that things are going better on the Roman front - you do sound more relaxed!

With regard to your housing situation, not much can be done over the this coming week anyway, so please do try not to let it worry you over the season to be jolly   

I'm glad to hear things are picking up It seems that around this age they do get easier to handle! And we discovered the plastic bottle the other day Big ol 2 litre one...he can't get his mouth around it so he just bombs it around the floor! Makes a hell of a noise though! haha

Have you tried getting something like an antler chew? We got one for Bane...he was going at it for atleast half an hour and didn't even make a dent in it! Normally other chew treats are almost gone by then o.o we gave him an edible Nylabone once...10 minutes and it was nowhere in sight! And the frozen Kongs are great too!
At our puppy club, they also have a Buster Cube? Or something...its a dice shape you can put kibble in and the puppy just pushes it around the floor, every so often a piece falls out...keeps him occupied for ages!