Feel like I'm failing my boy rocky

Hi, I really need urgent advice.

I have a dog 'rocky' who is one and a half who has had various health problems almost from the day I got him at 10 weeks old, there are a couple of old posts on here from me regarding his health problems, to save me going into them in depth. I basically feel like I'm failing him and as much as I hate to say this I haven't got the time or expertise he needs due to his 'special needs'. Due to him being so ill as a pup training has been really hard if not impossible and I am now at the stage where I cannot cope I have cried and cried due to what I feel is an impossible situation. I love him to pieces and have done everything I could for him, it has been so hard having such a poorly pup/dog and i admit I'm out of my depth. I think he needs to live with a very experienced owner and possibly with another dog, someone who has loads of time for him but due to his illness I think he will be impossible to rehome. I physically cannot take him to a rescue centre, it would kill me to leave him and I would never ever forgive myself and I will not advertise him as I need him to go to the right home.

I don't want people reading this to think I just can't be bothered with the hard work, I have done absolutely everything for my boy.

My main problems are;

He still wees and poos in the house but does know he is supposed to go out as will mostly go to the door to be let out, if no one immediately lets him out he will go inside and other times I can be in the kitchen with him and he won't bother to go to the door and will just go on the floor. I now have to crate him even if i go upstairs as he will wee as soon as i go up, even if he has just been out for a wee. He has spent the majority of his life on various tablets due to his illness (inflammatory bowel disease, inflammatory skin disease and pyloric stenosis) and I'm unsure if these could have affected his brain. He is crated during the night and is completely dry so I know that he can hold it. He has to be crated when I go out otherwise he won't hold it he will just mess everywhere (I hate crating him so much). However, a couple of months ago he was able to be left out of his crate for approx 5 hours at a time with no accidents at all.

Due to him having inflammatory skin disease his feet have swelled up intermittently in the past with interdigital cysts (these are under control at the min) so walking has been a nightmare as he's been in pain. He now sits at the front door shaking and crying and has to be coaxed to walk and then always stops walking whilst on the walk, I don't particularly think he enjoys his walks as he never gets excited when he sees his lead. He does love it on the field if another dog(s) is there and will run and chase and this is why I think if he was always walked with another dog this would improve. I don't know of anyone near me who I can walk him with. I'm also heavily pregnant and having to practically drag him isn't easy, also I don't know what I'm gonna do when I've got the baby in the pram trying to pull and coax a dog who doesn't want to walk.

As he's not getting the exercise he needs he's crazy in the house and races about leaping on all furniture, children, anything actually!! I know the answer to this is more exercise but its so stressful taking him out as he doesn't want to walk. I'm worried about when I have the baby incase rocky jumps up at me when I'm carrying her, he does this all the time, probably due to his lack of exercise. He still attacks my ankles and play bites. I've tried clicker training him as rewarding with food is difficult due to his ibd, he's not allowed dry food as it aggravates his condition. Must confess I've not used the clicker for a while.

I'm not an experienced dog owner, he is my first ever dog and I feel I'm letting him down but really don't know how to find him somebody who can help him and give him time and experience he deserves. I've been to puppy classes, training classes put him in doggy daycare, changed his food more times than I can remember (he is now settled on naturediet chicken) due to his ibd, paid thousands to keep him alive when his stomach closed up due to pyloric stenosis, woke up morning after morning when he was a pup and had to clean up diarrhoea all over the floor and walls (this no longer happens as he is mostly stable on one food, no treats and has occasional metronidazole if he flares up).

He is the most adorable, special boy. He's so loving around all people, children, other dogs and it breaks my heart that I'm not experienced enough to deal with him. I always pray a really kind, experienced dog owner will just appear and say they will take him but obviously this isn't going to happen. I know things are going to get worse when the baby comes, my other two are being horrible brats at present and rocky is getting less and less time. I feel like a really bad person and know it will appear to some like I'm wanting to rehome due to a new baby, this really isn't the case, having a new baby certainly isn't going to help but if he was fully house trained and well behaved I wouldn't dream of giving up on him (I can deal with his illnesses as they are mainly controlled with diet). I don't know if anyone on here can give me any advise or suggestions as I'm desperate. Thanks so much.

if you really want to keep your boy i think your going to have to go back to basic training with him,will other members in your house help you with him?its going to be hard when the new baby comes alone,how long till you are due,if you can get on top of his training before then it will help loads.

I've got 4 weeks left. I think the thought of having to deal with all the issues and a newborn plus my other two is scaring me, don't think I will cope. I'm also having to have a c-section and really worried as rocky always jumps up and reaches to about the same height as my scar will be. My partner isn't taking anytime off as he's just started a new job and is on a 3 month trial so im kind of on my own. He's my dog and I feel like I've got to keep him but its honestly been sooooo hard from day one, its also affecting family life as me and my partner are arguing a lot due to the constant messing in the house and I'm short with the kids cos I'm mega stressed. I feel that with rocky basic training doesn't work and he seems to forget any progress we've made, don't know if this could be due to his medication?

the only way to know if its medical is to see your vet,i think you need to make some decisions on whats best for you and your family and whats best for rocky.all dogs need time putting in to them and you have to think are you really be fair on him no matter how much you love him.if you cant i think you seriously need to think about putting him to a rescue centre,dont try and sell him as you'll just be passing his problems on.

May I ask a few questions ? -

Do you have decent lifetime insurance for Rocky ? Pups often face a few health issues and a good vet should be able to get to the bottom of it and give correct treatment.
We have a twelve yo bitch who was incredible badly abused in a puppy farm and has faced many issues, as she still does, but we cannot imagine life without her.

I feel that your main issue is on exercise. A young Stafford needs good regular exercise. He needs to be mentally stimulated to stop him being `bored` which all your troubles will come from.
I also feel that his toilet training will also fall into place when you start to give him regular exercise.
You say that he enjoys running around with other dogs, so go to the field when you know there will be plenty around. At his age, half an hour doing that every morning and he will be much quieter around the house.

Don`t give up on him, he will be the best friend your new baby will ever have and the rewards will be ten fold.
It will take some commitment from you but it will be worth it.

Good luck.

Exercise, in this instance, isn't going to help. The dog has been ill since puppyhood & is seriously phobic about walks. Also, the op has two young children & another due in 4 weeks by c-section!

I honestly feel that rehoming is the best option, but the outlook is bleak as he has so many health issues. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but the facts have to be faced.

Telephone the nearest SBT rescue and explain your situation.

I agree with Caryll.

Please do not say you will never forgive yourself if Rocky goes to the rescue. It is not a shameful thing if this is his best option right now. It's clear that you have really tried, but sometimes you just have to approach difficult situations from a different tack. Everyone knows that the rescues are swamped with staffies, but a young dog has more chances than an older one - so maybe best do it sooner rather than later when he's more difficult to place. People do come forward to give homes to male staffies - I did.

What will happen to him in a rescue centre? Will they just put him to sleep? Can't stand the thought at all, haven't stopped crying all afternoon, I think it's because I've realised something has to give. If they would just put him to sleep due to all his illnesses I can't do it, I fought so hard to save him last time but sometimes I wish I'd just let him drift off while he was critically ill at the vets. If he was a fit healthy dog, although I would still hate leaving him at a rescue centre, i know he would get rehomed as he is a young pedigree with papers and he's gorgeous, thats another problem if he went to a shelter people would want him cos he's young, blue and gorgeous but wouldn't be able to cope with his problems and then he would end up in and out of shelters and the stress would probably kill him, he needs stability and that's why I'm letting him down but I really can't cope and all the worry is making me ill.

I do have lifetime cover but its dealing with all the problems and issues that's the problem, I'm not experienced enough. If I found the right person would his lifetime policy be able to be passed on to them so it still covers him?

I don't work in a rescue so can't say what their policy would be. I suspect that different rescues may have different policies. Maybe someone on this list, connected with a rescue, can give a more informed response. As for the insurance question, does the small print offer any information? It may be worth putting in a call to them for clarification if it's not specified. The new person would have to agree to continue the payments, of course. On balance, that's not what happens with other insured items. With cars, for example, the new owner takes out a new policy. How about putting the word about to friends and family to see if anyone could take Rocky for a few weeks or ideally months, with the option for longer if it really works out? Then you could keep tabs. Finally, on rescues, it's normal for them to put dogs in foster homes sometimes. My mother just took a rescue dog (not a staff), and collected it from the foster, who had had the dog for several weeks. Maybe that could be discussed for Rocky? The name of the rescue in this case was 'Many Tears'. They can be googled. This is not a recommendation, just an observation that Many Tears (probably like others) are known to put dogs in foster homes, rather than always just in the regular caged-up rescue situation. As for the latter, yes it can look a bit grim but, on the positive side, all the dogs are likely to be getting fed and medicated, if they need it, while their longer term options are being worked on.

I do think you need to go and have a word with your Vet and see if it a side effect of the medication. If it isn't you need to go back to basics with the house training. Make sure you clean up any accidents with a proper dog mess cleaner and don't use bleach as the ammonia in it can smell like wee. If he fine on the field take him there for his walks and let him run about, if his recall isn't good use a long line lead with him.

I agree with Caryll. Please don't beat yourself up, you've done more than most would and all decent owners want to be owners for life, but unfortunately sometimes life doesn't always work that way I'll be honest, I wouldn't take him anywhere near a shelter if there's any chance of you rehoming him privately. A staffy with his problems isn't going to last long in shelter, there are thousands upon thousands of healthy, sociable staffs in kennels that nobody wants. Unless you can get him in with a non kill such as dogs trust, but even then there's a chance of him living in kennels for years and years which is no life for a staff. He isn't going to be easy to rehome, but not impossible either. I'd start making contacts ASAP, happy to help any way that I can! Is he sociable with dogs/people? Albeit a little boisterous?

In regards to the post about foster homes, these are few and far between for bull breeds, but it may be an option. Seriously, nobody wants them. I could find 50 fosters for a different breed compared to the 1 unexperienced one that I could for a staff when I started our fostering scheme.

What area are you in? I do know of a few rescues if that is the route you want to go down

Thank you for all the replies, I'm an absolute emotional wreck as I know I've crossed the first hurdle, I've wanted to come on here for weeks and weeks but didn't really want to admit I have a problem and can't bare to think of myself as someone who would give up on an animal, I love him so much.

Rachel33 - I really don't think he would last in a shelter and also he CANNOT be fed dry food and I very much doubt they would buy him naturediet - or would they? He is extremely sociable, I've had him around other dogs from being a small pup at puppy /dog training classes and doggy daycare and he is absolutely fine off his lead at the park or field, recall is good. He has been around loads of different aged children and I've never had a problem. I do agree with Caryll in that he does seem phobic about walks, he's never had a bad experience on a walk so it must be that he associates it with the pain from his feet but I feel with the right person walking him in a routine and maybe with another dog he could perhaps get past this. He is honestly absolutely adorable. Thank you for your help.

Chiara - I'm in Manchester but am really struggling with the idea of a rescue centre tbh.

Try giving Staffordshire Bull Terrier Welfare a ring. They may be able to point you in the right direction for rehoming or fostering?

http://www.staffordwelfare.com/groups.aspx

Or maybe staffierescue...

http://www.staffierescue.co.uk/

God I can't imagine how you're feeling hun especially being pregnant and hormonal too! A really close friend of mine had to rehome her dog recently, she's worked in rescue for years and is a very responsible owner, as it sounds that you are, but her two bitches just could not get on and she tried everything, in the end she can to rehouse and her little lady is very much happier in a single dog house hold! Sometimes it just doesn't work out and I feel that you need to do the right thing for you both.

Does sound to me like he doesn't want to walk due to the pain in his feet, which in turn has created a phobia of walks altogether. How are his feet now? The shelter that I work at feeds Nature Diet to most of their dogs, and are very particular about the correct diet for dogs in regards to protein levels etc, so we buy in all of our foods so we can cater to each dogs needs. However, this is very rare, and many shelters run their dogs on donated foods and some are a mix of own brand super market foods and pedigree. I don't feel that kennels will be right for him, and if you do have to resort to kennels you need to research them well. Okay, well at least he's sociable! That's a major plus.. and he's blue! At least we're not looking at a brindle DA 18 month old male staff here  

I don't know how much I can help with you being in Manchester, and me in Devon! I know a lady who rescues bull breeds, rehabilitates and rehomes them from her home/heated barn kennels. But it sounds like his health problems could be really quite costly and she gets very little funding, mostly out of her own pocket!

Rachel33 wrote:  At least we're not looking at a brindle DA 18 month old male staff here :lol

DA??

yeahbut wrote:

Rachel33 wrote:  At least we're not looking at a brindle DA 18 month old male staff here :lol

DA??

DA = Dog Aggressive.

Thank you.

We could always guess the dogs that were coming in at my previous city centre shelter as 9/10 they were staffs, 8/10 they were brindle, and the majority of the time they were around 18 months old and just pushing the boundaries! We had a whole kennel block of them at one point that were almost identical in remoming descriptions and most not socialized well with other dogs. That's all that I was saying

He definitely wouldn't survive in a kennel on supermarket food and pedigree, his stomach would get inflamed and he would be so ill that they would prob put him to sleep, this is why I'm in such a no win situation. My OH is barely speaking to me as he says I'm putting rocky before the kids and unborn baby, I sometimes feel like I do tbh but he needs constant supervision at the min. He's been in his crate nearly all afternoon after his walk, he's been out for a few hours and had his tea and a toilet, I'm absolutely shattered and need to go to bed but can't leave him out of crate for fear of him 'going' all over the kitchen and don't wanna put him back in his crate as I feel cruel to put him back in, just wish he could be left to roam the house.

Do try and give the two rescue organisations I gave you links for a ring. Even if they can't take him from you they might be able to make some sugestions?

Are you sure that he's not toileting through seperation anxiety also? Are you still in touch with the breeder? Would they be willing to help out at all? Am I right in thinking that many decent breeders will take a dog back and rehome themselves if their current home doesn't work out? Sorry, so many questions..

I really feel for you Amara, you have so much on your plate.

Please can you do as Caryll suggests above and look at

" http://www.staffordwelfare.com/groups.aspx

Or maybe staffierescue...

http://www.staffierescue.co.uk/ " ?

And maybe ring them and talk through your concerns about their treatment of rescues they take in?

Im not sure about separation anxiety as he does it right it front of me sometimes, looking me straight in the face, its like he doesnt know its wrong but other times he goes to the door and paws it to go out, if he just did it when i left him alone i would def think this was the problem but doesnt appear to be that simple. My OH has just come in and got his lead out to take him for a stroll and rocky has ran into his crate and lay down! He really doesn't want to go out, I wonder what quality of life he is having, he seems happy enough. His feet are no way near as swollen but I don't know how much pain he is in. My vet is absolutely amazing but even he says rocky is an extremely complex case, part of me has decided that if he gets ill again I want him to be pts in my arms, I cant fight for him anymore and I know deep down he is going to be impossible to rehome, it's totally killing me and feel like a monster for saying I would have him pts as he's only one and a half but sometimes I think i would rather that than for him to be passed from pillar to post or stuck in a shelter for years.

My dream is that some amazing person will come to my rescue, someone with loads of doggy experience, or even better someone who has dealt with dogs with ibd and skin problems, with loads of time on their hands who can give him everything he needs as he is such a loving little fella who has fought illness his entire life.......I really can't see this dream coming true .

Thank you Linda and Caryll I will ring them tomorrow, been on the staffy rescue one and there is a lady's number who is quite near me so will try her in the morning and see if she has any suggestions

Just read that poem 'just a staffy cross' on one of the rehoming links given, I'm in absolute bits, by giving him up I'm contributing to the problem. It's so so sad wish I'd not read it

Do let us know how you get on Amara, we all have our fingers and paws crossed for the best possible outcome for both Rocky and you and your family        

If you go to a dogs trust and tell them everything they will give the diet the dog needs and they have a no kill policy. They will even try and find fav toys and treats for them. May i also suggest you make a donation as causes like this need our help

Honestly Amara we are here to help. Maybe you could approach a rescue for a foster for a few months until you are sorted i.e had baby and got more settled   It is always an option, you have him insured for health probs so that would be covered and once Baby is settled you might find it easier to cope without giving him up totally

I did wonder about a foster home for a bit but don't know if it will make him worse taking him away and then bringing him back after she's born, going to ring the staffy rescue this morning and see what she says.

Just a quick update, I contacted the rescue nearest to me and was told by the lady quite bluntly that rocky would have to be pts as rescue centres all over are full of staffies and none would want to take him(this I am aware of!!!) she couldn't suggest anything else, she was quite rude, asked me if I bought him from a breeder - yes I did, I did say had I not had small children I would have rescued but was scared to rescue as I was an inexperienced dog owner and wanted to know the dogs past, to which she replied "well I never rehome naughty dogs" exact words. I explained about all his illnesses, she then asked me if he was white, when I told her he was blue she then went on to tell me that his KC papers didn't stand for anything as there is no such thing as a blue staffy as they are all mixed with something and then went rambling on about Irish blues!!!! She said is he leggy, he's not leggy he's about 16", oh she said that's unusual as a lot of blues are bred with whippets!!!!! She gave me no options, said the breed was in jeopardy and that nobody would take rocky. I did kind of know this but she had a very bad attitude but then I think she's probably sick of people like me trying to leave their dogs.

Next stop was back to the vets to get his feet checked and to see if any of the meds could have affected his bladder. When we went a couple of weeks ago he used some sellotape on Rockys feel and he's got a yeast infection, his feet certainly aren't as swollen and his cysts have almost gone. The vet did say the yeast could still be causing him some pain in his feet so he's gonna treat him with antifungals and he's got some rilexine for his flaky skin. The vet said hes looking really well, he weighs just short of 18kgs which is amazing considering at his worst with ibd he was just over 12kgs. I recon he's probably feeling well and that's why he's being a little sh@t around the house.

I can't give him up.......I just need to get on top of his reluctancy to go out the door to walk and also his peeing/pooing in the house....HELP!!!!

I am absolutely appalled at the response you got from the rescue centre you contacted. Dare I ask who they are?

Well, what a horrible woman at the rescue centre! And she onviously kNows nothing at all about staffords, because there are many blues, and they are mostly pure bred! I still think you should have a word with Stafford Rescue (I think I gave you the link a few posts back).

Regarding the walks, I wonder if it might help if you could get him some disposable doggie booties? If his feet are a little sore, they might help to cushion his pads a bit.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_sabc?url=search-alias%3Dpets&pageMinusResults=1&suo=1383083081843#/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Dpets&field-keywords=disposable%20dog%20boots&sprefix=disposable+dog+boo%2Cpets&rh=i%3Apets%2Ck%3Adisposable%20dog%20boots

Do you use a collar or a harness?

Also I was chatting in the waiting room and a lovely lady with a lab said she uses a dog walker who is apparently fantastic (this is no use to me as she lives a small drive away and after c section i can't drive) but she also looks after dogs for holidays etc, £10 per day. She gives them a home from home stay, the lady said her lab is allowed to sleep in the lady's bedroom as that's what she does at home and apparently she had a Weimaraner to stay recently and it slept in bed with her and her husband!!! Anyway I've got her number so am wondering if I should put rocky with her for a few days after operation to give me time to rest, just dont want him to feel pushed out, I've read it's better for him to be here when baby comes home but don't recon I'd cope. Gonna be on my own with new baby, 2 other kids and rocky practically straight after section as partner can't take any time off.

Lynda - she was someone local from 'Stafford welfare' the link is on the first page of this thread. I know she's probably stressed but I was only asking for advice not to be lectured about my dogs breeding.

Thanks Caryll never thought of booties, will have a look at those, it's only his front feet he will need them for as his back ones are fine. I currently use a collar as he won't move in a harness, after he was cut open for pyloric stenosis op I stopped using one because of his huge scar and now he won't wear one at all.

Just had a look at booties, don't suppose you know what size I should get?

The ones I saw in my local pet store looked like the medium would fit Dempsey. The small ones looked tiny!

That was a bad interaction with the staffie rescue. Such a pity. Still, as you say, she probably sees a lot of tough situations, ignorance and cruelty. Not an excuse, but you can imagine how a person can get worn down by that. Looking at this from the other end of the telescope, if you were going to adopt a dog, you wouldn't just go to the one rescue - you would check them all, all their websites and visit them personally as well. I don't want to waste time by suggesting something that is hopeless, but it may be reasonable not to be put off by this first bad interaction. At least, maybe, to test whether any of the others can be more helpful? To eliminate them from your enquiries?

That lady who looks after the dogs sounds like an option. If you were to take him there before meeting the baby you could make sure he had a bit of cloth or a soft toy with the baby's smell on. It would have your smell on too so he would associate them

Hello - what is he eating? Lots of people here have had very good results regarding health issues with a raw diet.

How are things now Amara?