Very Sensitive Dog - New ongoing issue

Hi all,

Intro
I just want to say this is a great site and I'm glad it exists for the love of our wonderful Staffies!

Background Info
I have a bitch who's 7 years old her name is Steff. She was the last in the litter and it's (we think) because she's very sensitive and must have stood out from her siblings.

It's me and my mum and our baby girl in the house. Now she's always been a very sensitive dog and reacts to a verbal correction with shaking as an example of her personality.

Now you'd think after 7 years you'd know how to live with your dog but we're really stuck right now and we need help.

Daily Routine and Me

I take her out every day to the fields with a tennis ball and she loves chasing it and bringing it back and she was very well exercised and fit because of this.

Her bowels were regular and healthy as she used to drink lots of water in the day from her exercise. She was well behaved and calm after her daily runs and all round everything was good and well with no need to tell her off for anything, she's a good girl and everything has always been pleasant.

I am 28 and don't work due to mental health reasons so I am in the house with her all day every day.

Problems Begin Around 7 weeks ago

I had a personal issue where I wasn't at home for a couple weeks and the daily regimen of exercise was broken as my mum had to take the responsibility of daily exercising.

Due to my mums work hours Steff wasn't getting out every day with the same magnitude of exercise for this short period.

When I got back home and was well enough to begin the routine I took her to the park and she was behaving very "over excited" probably due to the fact it was her first proper walk since I'd been away.

Pulling hard on the lead (walking me to the park!) etc.

First Incidents (same day)

#1 When I let her off the lead she was walking too far away from me and when I called her to come back she was ignoring me and I had to raise my voice (annoyed manner) because she was too engrossed with her sniffing etc. She was being "disobedient" and not how she normally behaves.

By the way she reacted from the raised voice I'd realised I'd shouted too loudly and triggered her sensitive "fearful" side by the way she cowered her head and her manner.

#2 When we got to the field and we played ball when she'd return with the ball in her mouth she'd take a while to give it back to me moving away when I reached for it. This was because she had so much energy and excitement pent up and because of the earlier incident. This made me shout "Drop it!" loudly and she really cowered and wouldn't run.

Ongoing Problems

Since this day things have been terrible.

I'm well aware of the catalogue of human errors here, especially me losing my patience and raising my voice to her when she's a very sensitive soul. I should have been more patient and should of had the foresight to know the first day back into the routine would be more of a challenge due to no fault of hers.

Main Issues

What happens now is she refuses to run for the ball at the park. She just stops and stares at me. So now she doesn't get any exercise with her running.

If I walk her instead of trying to run her she holds back and doesn't follow me. I have to stop turn around, see her 25m away from me - just stopped looking at me and I have to use a very gentle sweet coaxing voice to get her to come to me when called she won't come back straight away.

See I can't tell her off in any way for not coming back when called due to her nature. Being nice and totally forgiving of anything she does isn't working either. It works a little but the problems are still there.

I tried every single day since this but same thing every day. It was frustrating as hell for me knowing it stemmed from me raising my voice weeks ago.

She's also being very weird at home. She's always close to me in a very weird way like she's attached.

Yesterday she wouldn't even go to the garden to toilet she'd just stand by my side this happened all day.

This morning I was asleep and my mum had a day off. She wouldn't toilet with my mum either and instead for the first time in years she defacated all in the house (poo and wee). Some form of protest? She chose to wee outside my bedroom door.

Due to the refusal to exercise and walk correctly it's having negative impacts on her. She's getting very bored at home and licks herself too much (boredom).

She's putting on weight as she's not burning off the calories so I've had to reduce her portions recently. Exercise used to make her bowels regular but not any more. She used to drink healthy amounts of water due to exercise but not any more, this is making her a little constipated.

I took her out on Sunday and the same thing refusal to do any exercise, just stops and stares.

This is so frustrating as it's a psychological problem that's creating physical ones now and I'm so upset by this. I just want her old self to come back.

Can anyone give me any tips on how to deal with this especially if you have experience with a sensitive dog. It's a very challenging thing, I'm willing to do what it takes to get her old self back.

I'm sorry for the long post I put headings in to let you skip the earlier stuff.

Thanks so much for reading

I can sympathise! Millie's a super sensitive soul as well, with reactions like the ones you describe. I'm sure other people must think we beat our dogs senseless for them to cower a shake like that, but I know Millie's history from 6 days old and know it's nature not nurture.

Which in a way makes it harder, because you can't rewrite their personality and what works with a 'normal' dog doesn't always work with these sensitive souls.

As you've already discovered, shouting or anything else unpleasant won't help and will only make matters worse. Even though your dog is sometimes having a problem with something that SO easy, you have to accept that she does really find it hard and she's not being 'naughty'. (But then I don't believe that dogs can be naughty or do things just to provoke).

There are 2 things I find helpful. The first is to ask something only tiny, instead of the whole big thing you wanted, find a way that she can do that and treat, praise, whatever she will find a good reward. I use food a lot, and break tiny bits off treats so she can have loads without her actually eating her body weight in treats.

As an example, we went to the vets yesterday and walked into the waiting area to find... oh horror... a small child. Millie meltdown ensued, the cowering and shaking, and trying to hide behind my legs. Step 1 was to ask her to stand next to me (treat), then to look at the child by holding the treat in that direction (treat), then stand up (treat), etc until we got to the point that the child gave her a treat. I have to say, what a fab mum and kid to work through this with us! But we got there, at Millie's pace.

When we've had issues with her coming somewhere she's not happy (we had a period of not being able to go through the kitchen doorway), it was the same, asking for small steps and rewarding them each time. The other thing that can help with a dog who's reluctant to come to you for some reason is to get down on your knees and 'play bow', so slapping your hands on the ground, which the dog understands as a friendly invitation.

The other thing that's been incredibly helpful is having taught her some clicker training, in particular to target something scary for a treat. Her clicker target never lies. It may be somewhere scary but it's always been safe really and it's always got her treats. We had the tank emptied this morning and she wasn't sure about the man (who was wonderfully patient with her), and her first contact with him was nudging his hand for a treat.

The target's a real confidence builder because they know what to do. So much of these fear worries for dogs like ours is not knowing how to cope with a different or worrying situation, so an object that says 'do this and it's all ok' is great for them.

If you like the idea but don't know how to do it or get started, do ask. It might also be helpful to you on a different level, in that concentrating on doing something different might help Steff forget the current problem, whereas focussing on the problem just highlights it for her.

Very oddly, it's good to hear there is another meltdown monster out there. They are hard work, undoubtedly, but I'm sure you'll get back on track.

Ah Liz thanks for your insight and personal perspective on the joys of owning a sensitive Staffy as well as your experiences with Millie!

I know what you mean about finding some comfort in talking to someone who also owns a sensitive dog, I feel the same talking to you. Before positing this I browsed this section for posts similar to mine (sensitive dogs) and I didn't find a single one so I figured I would be in the minority and I also had some fear regarding peoples perceptions on why she's like she is - like you say, people must undoubtedly 'assume' there's more to it and I'm sure people pass negative judgement.

It's incredibly surprising that even in 2015 with an abundance of information on the web that there's very little information documenting this type of personality in dogs and how to deal with it.

I've never met someone in person with a dog like mine but I always knew instinctively that there are other people out there with dogs like mine as dogs are no different to people, they all have their own personalities!

I fully understand what you mean about this being hard wired 'nature not nurture' and I totally recognise this is what 'makes Steff' (I learnt this in the years of having her) and our family figured straight away this is why she was last to be picked from the litter.

No one is perfect in life and we love her dearly and we fully accept that's just how she is even though deep down I do sometimes wish she wasn't so sensitive, but I always think of the immensely positive and joyous things we get from her like her devoted and DEEP affection.

Any time something like this happens (like yourself, in the 7 years we've had episodes like this) I'm always quick to recognise it's ultimately my fault as I can forget myself to be acutely aware of how I time certain commands / words / general speech (timing is crucial as she can misinterpret things as an expression of my displeasure and associate it with something completely unrelated/harmless - it's hard work owning a sensitive dog!)

Your Tips

After about 4-5 weeks of this behaviour I re-evaluated my approach. I was hoping she'd just forget the off day that triggered this all off and we'd all go back to normality but obviously this wasn't happening and I was getting so frustrated deep inside (as much as I had to hold it in, I believe she could sense this in me).

It frustrated me more than ever because I am so very aware of the huge benefits exercise brings to her life and I knew that by her refusing to run or walk off lead that this would steer us towards a host of physical problems and I was right.

Things like constipation through lack of regularity, drinking very little water, being overly "in my shadow / under my feet", excessive licking of her vulva (was getting red) due to boredom, weight gain etc all stemmed from this and it was very saddening for me.

Believe it or not the first approach I had was exactly what you suggested, set small goals (don't think of the big picture) and focus on getting her to do that and then praise it.

On Thursday this approach worked. I got her running with lots of patience and hard work, it was a huge success and I thought this could be the start of going back to normal. I managed to achieve this just by using verbal praise and being aware of how I reacted verbally (tone of voice) / physically (body language) when she would refuse to run. It's hard to explain but although I made progress she wasn't 100% (still overly sensitive) and I could sense she could stop running at any time but it was progress and I was pleased and she had fun!

Then on Sunday it was back to the 'meltdown monster' persona and I was just so baffled by this. I tried very hard and patiently to get her to just do very small simple things (small steps like before) but this day she was super stubborn. Absolutely nothing was working, it was so disappointing.

When we got back (Sunday was a beautiful sunny day in our part of England) me, mum and her partner was chilling outside in our front garden all day with our front door open and she wouldn't even come outside with us! - she stayed in doors. It was so depressing to see her like this. When I came inside she'd be really clingy and always cowering her head when I'd raise my hand to stroke her head.

I've always tried to stick to verbal praise for positive enforcement techniques as opposed to treats for a number of reasons but occasionally I have used food treats when trying to train her to do something new and it's been successful, so with your advice I took Steff out with a bag of treats in my pocket (not long got back) and oddly I could tell straight away from the way she was excited and pulling me to the park that today could be successful and amazingly I was right! It was like all these issues had never existed and to make it even better I was armed with the treats to further re-enforce the good behaviour and today was amazingly successful.

I just hope today will be THE start of success because if not I'm just so lost I'll have to try your other suggestion with clicker training but I have no idea of how to use it.

Thank you for your time!

What a great post ! You're right, there is very little info on timid dogs so hopefully this thread will help someone else in the future.

Having just read through all of this it would appear to me that Steff was affected by the change in routine (No surprises there as they do like regularity) and then to be told off has really knocked her confidence. The clingyness seems like an appeal to please and seek comfort which I'm sure she gets.

Moving onwards I would suggest simply making things fun on walks, for example, when throwing the ball excitedly entice Steff to go fetch and if she does then offer loads of praise and reassurance. It might take a little time to build her confidence but from what I've read, you have nothing but love and her best interest at heart.

Please do keep us updated with your progress

Oh good! you're sounding a bit more positive already. We like that.

I think the reason you don't hear about these super sensitive dogs more often is that (thankfully!) they're not common. There's a fab US behaviourist called Patricia McConnell (I think people might start yawning now as I mention her a lot!) who talks in one of her books about what she calls 'shy dogs' and how this is a genetic thing. Steff might not have been the only one in her litter like this.

Millie was brought to the RSPCA aged 6 days with her mum and her 4 siblings. Millie's deformed, which is how we ended up fostering then adopting her (no one else would take her on in case she didn't pull through), and when we first had her I put her sensitivity down to her physical issues. However, her brother Sonny was recently returned (aged 8 months), and it was stunning to see exactly the same reactions to the same things in him. He has no physical issues. Both cower at the sight of a harness - I've given up trying to get Millie to accept one. She can only just cope with a collar being put on. Hence my certainty that it's nature not nurture.

If you're a reader, Patricia McConnell's books are seriously worth looking at, both The Other End of the Leash which is about our body language with dogs, and For the Love of a Dog, which looks at canine emotion. The first one in particular might be helpful as the way you are standing and stuff like that can affect a dog's ability to respond as we want.

One other thing she says that's relevant for your training is to use what is a reward for the dog, not what we think should be a reward. It sounds like Steff really rates her treats, so use them. There is no rule that says she has to respond as well to verbal praise, or that it's wrong to rely on treats. I always have a treat pouch with me, for all the dogs, and even though I may not treat the older ones every time, they know there's the possibility of one so it's always worth coming/sitting/etc just in case!

Clicker training is really easy to get started with. I use a little plastic clicker - they're very cheap from ebay or Amazon, if not your local pet shop - and a telescopic target stick. You can use a tongue click but it's not quite as sharp and precise, and you can use something other than a target stick, as long as you can work with it in various situations.

There's a clip of Millie here: https://staffy-bull-terrier.niceboard.com/t60863-millie-does-clicker

You can see how, after just one earlier session with the target, she knows that it is good and how it helps her overcome her fear of the tunnel. I've used it time and again to help her with the oh so scary green broom, the book she was convinced I was going to thrash her with, etc.

To get started, all you need to do is pick your target object, which can be anything from a proper target to a wooden spoon, and present it for Steff to sniff. The second she even goes towards it, click and treat. The click comes the instant she does something positive. It is, by the way, a good idea to give you clicker a few clicks before you start to make sure she's not terrified of that. I had a pony who couldn't cope with the click noise at all.

The first time you do it she'll be surprised but happy for the reward. Repeat, and repeat. By the third or fourth time, you'll see her start to think. She'll see there's a connection between what she's doing and the food. Keep going and she'll soon work out that she is controlling the flow, and she'll start doing things to try and get her treats.

To start off with, click-treat for anything that's in the right direction. You'll probably go through a patch of searching for the treat pouch/bag. nudging your hand, nudging other parts of the stick. Never treat for trying to get to the bag or, for this exercise, anything other than the stick, but to start off with treat something that's an attempt, even if it's not all the way. So nose towards the target's good, as is nudging the handle. Once that's easy, you can withhold the treat until she nudges the right bit, in my case the red ball.

See how you get on with it, you might hate it but it's more likely you'll love it. You can then use it to encourage Steff to do loads of things she finds worrying, because her target says it's ok. I know, coming second fiddle to a small blob of red plastic doesn't always do your own confidence the world of good, but if it works be brave!

On the need to exercise to get her to drink, have you discussed using electrolyes with your vet? They might be worth trying so that you have a fallback for situations where you can't get her running.

Difficult to advise because all dogs are different, but here's what I did in a similar situation. I've had Bo from 10 weeks and he's never been hit or abused, but he's still very sensitive in some situations. A few months ago we were playing ball in the house and he got over-excited and accidentally did a small wee, something he's never done since he was tiny. I didn't react at all, just lead him outside, but Bo was mortified. He put his head down and his ears back and wouldn't leave my side, then started jumping up and demanding reassurance.

From that point on, whenever I showed him a toy in the house he'd run away from it. If I rolled a ball near where he peed he put his head down and shake. The more I tried to get him to play the more worried he got, and sometimes he wouldn't enter the room when his ball was on the floor. So basically I stopped trying to get him to play and completely ignored his nervous behaviour. I left a couple of balls lying around and didn't show any reaction when he avoided them and I didn't make any attempt to play in the house. After several weeks, one day I was rubbing his chest and he suddenly jumped up and went and got his ball. Ever since then he's been fine.

It could well be Steff is picking up on your nervous behaviour and it's making her worse. They do sense very small signals that you wouldn't think they'd notice. Sometimes I'll get frustrated with something I'm doing on the computer and sigh, and Bo will run upstairs and fuss at my feet, then go to sleep right by my chair, something he does that when he's worried. So instead of trying to be uber-nice all the time, maybe speak with a firm, even tone and don't hesitate in your actions. If you want to walk, walk, and if she won't follow then put on the lead and guide her gently but firmly. That's not to say don't use treats or play with her, of course, but try not to do it in a way that communicates your desperation, if you can call it that. It's quite possible that she sees in your behaviour something that worries her even more than being shouted at. If you're always nervous, waiting for something bad to happen, she may well pick up on this and it will reinforce her apprehension.

Or I might be talking rubbish, I'm just saying what I did so it could be something to consider if the other good advice is not working out.

I'm with you on this, Dogface. I agree that uber-uber nice doesn't always get you anywhere, partly because it lack clarity and partly because, with all dogs but especially sensitive/worrier ones, you need to be a person they can have confidence in and trust, in other words a leader.

I know when I was working training horses, I'd often meet those that couldn't bring themselves to do something because the owner had so muffled their requests in cotton wool that the horse blocked. Whereas if you say 'come on, let's do this' they'd usually say 'ok, grand idea'.

You need to judge if there is something specifically, genuinely worrying that trying to press on will make worse (i.e. Millie's infamous green broom) or if that little bit more conviction is all that's needed. That's in large part a question of knowing your dog, but it can also be helpful to take a step back from yourself, even video yourself or get someone to do it, and see if you are being too fluffy.

I wanted to update this thread in order to say that since all this happened and I took your advices on board, I have a brand new dog. It's like all this is nothing but a bad nightmare now.

Being overly nice was making it worse. The treats worked great too. It took a little while and there was relapses of her going all meltdown on me in the first week of recovery but she got great.

I love her to pieces and I'm so happy she's enjoying life again. She chases ball every day

Thanks to you all and I wish you the very best in life.

Bless u loved this thread

So glad your girl's getting on better. Well done on finding what helped her best.

excellent news

Fantastic update. Well done you!