Devastating News :(

Hi guys

I haven't been on for a while, took me a long time to catch up on my "hello's" to the newbies

Over the last couple of weeks we've had some truly devastating news about our baby Knoxville.  I'll start from the beginning.

Around 8 weeks ago he had a nosebleed whilst out for a lovely walk on the field.  I put it down to him being nosey and shoving his face in all the bushes.  Thought nothing more of it.  Anywho, a couple of weeks later he had another nosebleed, this time after sneezing.  We took him to the vets and he was booked in for blood tests the following day.  Result of these came back as negative for everything they could test him for.

We were then referred to SATH in Liverpool (wonderful place).  They did a CT scan and a rhinoscopy and advised us to have a radiotherapy plan done just to be safe and so that if it turned out to be a tumour they didn't have to sedate him again to take a radiotherapy plan.  He had to stay overnight for two nights (broke my heart leaving him).

At the same time they decided to take a cytology of a little lump on his back that had appeared.  It took a week or so for the results to come back.  The cytology of the lump on his back showed he had a small carcinoma tumour which needed to be removed.  We've had the tumour on his back removed and it showed clear good cells around the removal area which is great news. The issue with his nose was more serious.  It was another carcinoma, quite a bad one.

We've been told that he can have radiotherapy but it's not a curable cancer and would only prolong his life.  The side affects of the radiotherapy are heartbreaking and because it's his nose they cannot protect the eye meaning there is a possibility of issues with his eyes and also the possibility of having to have his eye removed

I'm absolutely heartbroken.  We have opted for palliative care and have been told he has 2 -3 months left.  For me I just want him to be as comfortable as he possibly can in his final months with us here.  I cannot put him through the stress and pain of radiotherapy just for him to have a few more months.  I feel it's better for him to have a comfortable and good quality of life than a longer one, possibly without his vision and in pain from the radiotherapy.

Actually, heartbroken is an understatement to how I feel at the moment.  I'm absolutely devastated.

I'm back at work today for the first time in 4 weeks and I just want to be at home with my boy.

xxx

Vikki, I don't even know what to say. Such shocking, awful news. How old is your boy? I remember your post from a few weeks back. All that you can do is keep him as comfortable as possible, and accept support for yourself wherever you can. We are all here, any time. Xxx

Very sad news Vikki. Our hearts go out to you. Enjoy the time you have with him and remember you did your best.
Lynn.

Oh Vikki, I so feel for you. It is truly devastating to receive news like that.

It's a brave decision to not put him through treatment but one I totally understand. Having put a dog through chemo only to have had a few extra months - a decision with hindsight we regretted - I support yours as being fairest to Knox.

Cherish every moment with your wonderful boy and remember we are here for you if you need us.

Thanks guys. I just want him to have a happy life, however long that may be.

It's not been an easy decision and I've spent the last three weeks crying pretty much solidly. It's been good to get back to work today and kind of take my mind off it. He was very happy to see me at lunch and even happier to go to his Nanny's this afternoon (treats ahoy).

I'm not sure how old he is in all honesty. He came to us through a friend who had had him dumped on them by some bloke who didn't want him any more. Their dogue de bordeaux didn't get on with him so we took him in to find him a new home and four years later he's still with us. He was at least 3 when we got him but I think he must be around 9 - 10 years old.

Awful, awful news. The poor little bugger. I'm sure he will have the best three months of his life though and that you will be the reason for that. It is indeed a brave decision to take but one that gives him quality of life for those few months rather than quantity and in pain.

Thanks Ains

No matter what happens I'll still continue to be an active member on here. I don't think I'll be getting another woof - certainly not for a long time anyway x

Brave lady, you're doing the right thing and you'll have some wonderful memories of your precious boy.

What sad news I think you have made the right decision of what is best for him, quality not quantity of life. You have lots of happy memories to look back on & as said we are all here for you

Oh Vikki, you must be absolutely devastated Cherish every second

xXx

I am so saddened to read this Vikki, and words fail me lots of hugs for you all from us Xxx

What sad news Vikki.  Cherish this time with your special baby. Will be thinking of you during this difficult time

So very sorry to hear this

Vikki, I am so sorry to read your news. You've given Knox some wonderful years in a loving home and I'm sure he's repaid you double with that special Staffy love. It's the hardest decision us humans have to make and I think you've called it right. Quality has to be right.

Treasure every day with him as I'm sure you always have for he will leave the biggest of Staffy paw prints on your heart. As others have said, we as a community are always here for you

Wouldn't even know where to start with a reply, just wanted to say my heart breaks for you, i am so so sorry for your news xoxo

Thanks all - your words mean so much, even if they do make me cry xxx

Aww words fail me so sorry for your very sad news hugs from me and mia

How sad to hear this sad news, I have a lump in my throat, you have made the best decision for your boy. Enjoy your time with him, take photos. I really feel for you. Hugs to you all.

Thanks guys - your words mean so much to me.

Just been home to walk him at lunch and he's running round the field like a young pup you wouldn't think there was anything wrong with him!

Such a terrible thing to have happen. My heart goes out to you, I can't imagine the pain you must be in now. It sounds like you have given him a lovely life and that means a lot. I hope you both have a wonderful few months together x

Thanks hun xx

I'm really, truly sorry to read your sad news.
Our babies mean the world to us and we would all do anything to keep them healthy, make them better, keep them safe and well.
The truth is, we just cannot protect them from certain things.
If love was the cure, our babies would go on forever.
Knox is lucky to have you Vikki for a mummy, and he will be grateful to you for making the right decision.
I feel your pain and my heart goes out to you x x x

Thanks Rach xxx

Omg iam so sorry to hear about Knox. No words can express the pain you are feeling. Iam so so sorry.

Thanks Dav x

I don't even know what to say, I'm so sorry for your news! We wish you all the best for the next few months!

Thanks Emma

So far so good. He's still running around like a lunatic, chasing his boomer ball, eating us out of house and home and wrapping everyone he meets around his paws x

What terrible news, so sorry to read this. Let's hope Knox can run around for a good while yet.

My heart goes out to you, but dont loose hope yet. they are tough lil buggers and can sometimes live what we humans would fall at the first hurdle. please try to draw on the fact that all he cares about is that he is happy and in a loving home. dogs live for the now, and at the moment he sounds like he is having the time of his life, cherish that mate and enjoy it with him.

There aren't any words really for this other than like the rest of us, enjoy what ever time you have to the fullest and be very proud of them and yourself, sometimes this part is somewhat forgotten in our grief, but when you think of some of the alternative people they could have been with they've done well and as natural as it is to feel low at times etc. always remember that they would hate to feel you're in pain. Quality over quantity any day, live life to the full - the dogs mantra.

If any of us on this site can do anything for you just say. Ian and Stan.

I'm so sorry. it really is heartbreaking.

Thanks all, back in tears again now cos of your lovely words. Really does mean so much xxx

Don't worry, I have that effect on people.

I am so sorry to hear your sad news.

May you both live and love each and every extra day you have to share together.

Thanks Cait x

So...

Had the last week and this week off work as we normally go away but because of the diagnosis of Knox we've decided to stay at home. It has been a horrendous few days.

Tuesday, last week, he had a nosebleed again but we managed to stop it quite quickly. Thursday he had four nosebleeds - one straight after the other. These were horrific nosebleeds and it took over an hour to stop them fully. There was blood everywhere I was a complete mess about it all. Friday he had two nosebleeds and Saturday he had another massive one that we couldn't stop and ended up going to the vets (it stopped on the way there).

The last two days he hasn't had a nosebleed but I'm so worried he will it's unreal.

I go back to work next week and I just don't know what to do. I'm so worried that he'll bleed whilst I'm not here and if I'm not here to stop it I'm worried it won't just stop. I feel I would never forgive myself if I wasn't here with him and somethig happened to him. It's my worst nightmare to think that he may die on his own and in pain :'(

I'm absolutely gutted but I feel the only option is for me to have him put to sleep. Things are only going to get worse and I can't put him through all the stress that goes with it when he has a bleed. I wouldn't be able to rest at work and I would be doing nothing but panicking about him. I don't want people to judge me and think that it's because he's an inconvenience to me cos that's most certainly not the case. I would give anything to make him better but it's not going to happen.

I need some support from you lovely lot to let me know you think I'm doing the right thing. It can't be comfortable for him to be bleeding the way he is - it's not a little trickle or blood, it's like a fountain when it goes and I'm just so worried that one day the tumour will burst a main vessel and I'll find him bled out at home. To have so many nosebleeds in so few days means that the tumour is growing at a fast rate and I don't want him to suffer at all.

Currently balling my eyes out writing this but I'm hoping that I'll find the comfort and support I need from you.

Sorry if you feel I'm doing the wrong thing, I just can't see him suffer. I'm trying to be selfless and give him a dignified long sleep without him being in a mess.

Thanks in advance.

Vikki xxx

Oh Vikki this is the hardest of decisions that Us Humans have to make. I certainly won't judge you at all as I know that you won't take this decision lightly. My own personal feelings are that it should be about quality of life against quantity.

If Knox is suffering then I believe that you have to think about how he feels even if that does mean one last cuddle.

I'm not sure I can offer any advice above that I've already said but I know you'll do what's right for Knox

Thanks Ian.

I've been told he's not in any pain at the moment but it's only going to get worse.  He was given 2 - 3 months and it's been 2 months already.  I just want him to have a good quality and I don't feel bleeding the way he has been is a good quality of life for him. I also don't see how he can't be in any kind of pain due to the tumour growing.  It's got to be putting pressure on his nose and head as it grows.  He's been very sleepy lately and has slept more than normal.  I just don't want it to get to the point that he's suffering.  He'll never let me know he's suffering as that's just him.  He has arthritis in his rear legs but he'll still run like the clappers after a ball and that's got to hurt him

I just need someone to tell me I'm doing the right thing, other than my Mum and my boyfriend.  They both believe it's the right thing, so do I, but I feel I need someone outside of the family to say it's the right thing to do x

Hi Vikki I'm so sorry for you and your lovely boy I can't imagine how anybody can judge you. It's not about inconvenience he is not going to get better just to suffer more and more How awful it is to  
Must play god as I'm struggling even with spAying my girl at the moment
But I can completely understand that you don't wont him to die scared and lonely and not being there for him. I support you . I wish I could do more.
A friend of mine was in similar situation he loved his girl so much he couldn't pts his girl that had a vile tumour in her head . He waited too long and she was clearly suffering from pressure and he had to carry her everywhere and she wasn't small. In the end he took her to the vet .

Thanks Lily. That's what I don't want it to come to. But then I see him like he's been today and yesterday where he seems happy, tired, but happy. And his little tail is wagging and he's loving cuddles and sun bathing and it's breaking my heart. I'm absolutely devastated.

I can't stop crying since I read your post. Your other option is to wait a bit as long that he has some life quality and he's not suffering all the time the horrible thing is they can be so sick and still try to make us happy! Why don't you wait till the end of the week and reassess his condition? 
Remember the most important thing is the good life and love you always give him and trust yourself to make the right thing cause you know your boy best.
Everybody's here for you

Bless you. Sorry I've upset you. My issue with waiting longer is that I'm going back to work next Monday and I'll need a few days to get over it once it happens each time I've had time off work this year it's been crap. First week off, he was diagnosed and I was also signed off with stress and anxiety at work. Now this has happened :'(

Can't wait for this year to be over

There's the saying 'better a day too early than a day too late', and it's one I believe fully. When the conclusion is inevitable and you know it's only going to get worse, the question has to be at what point is the final decision right for him? At the moment, the vet's opinion is that he's not in pain but I'm with you that he must be able to feel some difference. Surely waiting will only increase that.

I'm not saying you have to rush to the vet tomorrow, but I personally wouldn't be waiting until he is assessed to be in pain, or for you to come home and find that he's suffered in your absence. The kindest thing we can do is spare them that.

My heart goes out to you. It's hell, whichever way you look at it.

Thanks Liz. That's my feeling about it. It's horrible at the moment cos he's happy and like he used to be but the last few days have been such an eye opener and I'm so worried about him being alone and scared and in pain. I just can't bear it. My worst nightmare would be to find him in a state. I can't put him through it and I can't go through it myself any more. As much as it's breaking my heart I think it's the right decision :'(

sorry to read this vikki you'll know in your heart what the best thing for knox and i know you won't want him to suffer or be uncomfortable its the most awful decision for a dog owner to make and one of the hardest you have given knox many a happy year . im sure if the tables were turned he would do the best for you best wishes to you and knox. my heat goes out to you.

Thanks Crystal x

Oh Vikki, my heart is breaking for you honey. We lost our boy to a brain tumour, we knew it was time when the light in his eyes had gone. Knox has had a lovely life with you, and you will have your memories for a lifetime., though I am sure it feels like your heart is being ripped out. Be brave for your boy, we are all here for you.
We are all sending our love and hugs to you, your family, and of course Knox.
Lynn, Pete and Theia xxx

Thank you. See this is the issue I have, he still seems bright it's just these bleeds are horrific for him and for us I just hate this so much. Horrid decision to make and I need to know I'm making the right one because I just don't know. But I can't go to work worrying about possibly coming home and finding him gone or in a state. I just couldn't cope I think I owe him a dignified and peaceful sleep xx

Only you can know when the time is right, and it does sound like you know this already. It is always going to be the hardest decision you will have to make, but as you say, you owe him that x
Lynn x

So very sad to read this thread. Nothing will ever replace your beautiful friend, but I think you know, in your heart of hearts, that you are doing the right thing. To prevent him suffering any pain and anguish is the best thing you can do, as a responsible human, at this stage. My heart goes out to you, I know it would be the hardest decision to make for myself and I can only imagine what you have been through to get here. Sending huge hugs.