Further to my post: Antibiotics Trimcare80 and my boy

As some of you now know, my boy lost his fight yesterday.
I feel it only fair that I write and say that I got it wrong about the antibiotics affecting his health.
At the time, you know, I was grasping at straws, trying to find the answers as to why my boy was ill.
The truth is, it wasn't anything to do with his meds or the antibiotics - his illness had just got a hold of him so damn quick that there was never going to be a remedy.
I chose only to hear what I wanted to hear out of the vets mouth!
They kept telling me that there was a chance that his liver had suffered irreparable damage, but all I heard them saying was that he might be treatable with meds.
All the symptoms that I put down to an reaction to the Trim80, were in actual fact symptoms of his body being ravaged.
They put him under yesterday morning to do scans, and then they rang to tell me that there were masses on his lungs and liver.
They said the masses were an indication of a cancer - more than likely in the liver.
And I ignored the dark spot that had appeared on his eye a couple of weeks ago.
I only heard and saw what I wanted - We convinced ourselves that the correct jollop would sort him out.
That Friday when he looked like he had made a full recovery, we were over the moon, saying the vets wouldn't recognise him because he was back to his old self - prancing around like a div and barking!
But, now it seems that was his last hurrah - he gave us something to remember what he was really like - and then that wiped him out.
We spent the following week (last week) watching him deteriorate before our eyes - we knew we were running out of time, but we thought and hoped he would pull through - strong boy.
But he got a swelling on his neck on Thursday night, and well, you know the rest, by Saturday afternoon it was all over.
When we went to see him in the hospital, he was so weak.
He was panting rapidly.
He was on a pain relief drip - they said he needed it because he had been crying - Bailey never cries!
We knew we had to do the right thing by our boy - we could have been selfish and bought him home to die with us, but that would have been to satisfy our needs - not his.

Looking back now, I can see he spent the last 5 weeks fighting to stay for us.
We spent the last 5 weeks fighting to find the answers for him.
But, for at least the past 5 weeks, his illness has been working harder.

We'd give anything to have him back here for a cuddle.
To see him acting the fool again would be, well, priceless.
But, that's not going to happen and we must try and find a way to live our lives without our boy.
Don't know how yet.
But, we have Shadow, and as difficult as it is, we have to show her that we love her just as much as we love Bailey.

So, if anyone has come on here looking for answers about Trim80, please don't listen to the words of a desperate mother hoping that the antibiotics were the culprit - they weren't.

Thank you all for your kind words, they mean a lot x x x

You've written what I think most owners would, we would all do what we can and look for answers where perhaps there aren't any. This post must have been very hard to write but thank you for posting it. I'm sure Shadow will be getting a few extra hugs.

Thank you Ian, it was hard.
I'd like others to know as well, if your dog shows any sign of unusual lethargy, don't feel silly, go to the vets. It might be nothing.
Then again, it might be a sign of illness.

Very sorry to hear your news. You fought for him but sometimes the fight is too big.
Our hearts go out to you. X
Lynn

Thank you Lynn x

So sad for you, we all love our furbs so much and it is devastating to lose them. I'm sure you'll make lots of fusses with Shadow, she will miss him too.

So sorry for your loss, sometimes it doesn't matter how hard we try we cant beat every illness. :(hug):for you & Shadow

So sorry for your loss Rach, it must have been so hard to write this post, you brought tears to my eyes, thoughts are with you all xXx

Thank you all for your lovely comments.
I'm unsure how we move on from this - I cannot imagine how life will be without Bailey - he was such a character.
At the moment, it is day to day, and it's very hard.
Give all your furbabies an extra hug today x x x

This is proving more difficult than I ever could have imagined.
Everyone says time is a healer.
Personally, right now, I cannot believe that.
Bailey was the centre of our world, and now he has gone life is very quiet.
I realise we were blind to the fact he was getting old - it's only looking back through the 800+ photos we have of him, that we can see him ageing.
I think my husband and I were in denial, and had we not been, it wouldn't have come as such a shock when he went.
But, shock it was.

I don't think time heals, it just mutes the pain somewhat.

dreamer41 wrote:Thank you Ian, it was hard.
I'd like others to know as well, if your dog shows any sign of unusual lethargy, don't feel silly, go to the vets. It might be nothing.
Then again, it might be a sign of illness.

Could I echo this. Harley, a lurcher we had, had two bouts of lethargy. One was laryngeal paralysis that could have killed him if not treated, the other was lymphoma that did kill him. Never feel silly about going to the vets.

Liz is so right about the time/healing process as I can honestly say time only dulls the pain slightly less.  You are still in shock as everything happened so suddenly for you all. Bailey was getting old but it's just I guess we don't notice this when they are with us and in Bailey's case relatively healthy.
Stella wasn't really well for a couple of months before she died but we still didn't think the end was near until about a week before she was pts. Worst day of my life.
It's now 8 months on and I still cry every day for Stella.  We miss her so much and like you, we have hundreds of photos and videos of her which I look at often.  I also still post her photos on here occasionally as I like to think it keeps her memory alive.

Bailey was deeply loved and he couldn't have asked for a better mam than you Rach.  Thinking of you xxx

I'm so sorry to hear this news Rach, you did what any loving owner would do please have some comfort in that you gave Baily a loving happy life. Big hugs to you and Shadow from me and Gordon xx xx

I'm so so sorry for your loss

You did everything you can and everything any other loving parent would do.

Big hugs xxx

My heart goes out to you. I can tell from your words how much you loved him and you had a wonderful life together. I am really feeling for you, this is the worst thing in the world to go through. X

Thank you all for your soothing words.
I cannot help but feel as though we were all robbed - we were robbed and Bailey was robbed of life - he wasn't ready to go.
It was a huge shock, and I'm still trying to get to grips with it.
A week later and life feels incomplete - our family is down to 3, and it should be 4!
x x x