ANGRY! (at my partner, not my dog)

Just felt like a bit of a rant. I'm annoyed tonight. A bit of background, I'm a 28yo female and my partner is abusive, he also drinks much too much. Although he would never admit it he has a problem with it. When he drinks it's worse. He drank tonight. After his mates left he stormed into the bedroom yelling at me. Looks like Nike and I are sleeping on the couch.

I can understand why there are people out there who become reclusive bar their pets.

Why are you still with him ><

janey wrote:

Why are you still with him ><

I ask myself that a lot these days. I never understood why women suffering with domestic violence stay, when I was looking in from the outside.

Been there myself hun, its not easy but your better off out of it, or you have to work through it together xXx

janey wrote:

Been there myself hun, its not easy but your better off out of it, or you have to work through it together xXx

Thanks your kind words mean a lot xx

So get rid, only thing to do.

Do you have anything like the Citizen Advice who you could speak to over there. This is an organization set up to help people in difficult situations to get all the legal advice they need. Could be an idea if you need the right help.

Have you tried getting him to go to those (what you call them?) meetings? and what if it gets worse and he takes it out on the dog next? I would leave.

He loves her. It's me he hates.

There are legal advice places here. It's usually a long wait but I could get help. It seems even worse to leave though. It's really messed with my head. I never thought I would be in a situation like this....

Don't mean to whine. Just needed some good vibes sent my way tonight.

Thanks xx

Then you should just up and leave, and no its worse to stay! Have you got friends that can take you and Nike in?

No one knows - offline - except for one old friend. And he is not someone I could ask. Domestic violence from the outside is really black and what. When your in it... It's a million shades of grey. People notice things, I'm sure they know.... But I feel really shameful admitting anything to people I need to face daily, family and friends....

Xx

Hey you got nothing to be shameful of, its him that should be feeling bad and all sorts. Its not your fault remember this, you should get out sooner before you find yourself in a big hole, and its too late and you get so hurt. That will be the first step to both you and Nike getting a new happy life.

Your better out and the sooner the better. I'm a bloke and some women have made me angry in the past, but NONE and I mean NONE have or deserved violence. No excuses. He is 100% to blame. Things can exculate with cowards like him very quickly when no one his own size is about. The sooner you leave the better.

my Biological father was a drunk and abused my mother , she stayed till i was 7 yrs(now 40 yrs)...you have to go you have to leave .please . my mum thought i would be ok but years down the line she realised how it affected me , dont let him damage you any more , you are young enough to go find someone who will truly love you and settle down with you ....PLEASE GET HELP!!!!!!

My OH , long before we met, suffered at the hands of her ex husband which resulted in her being stabbed, only thing that sticks in my throat is that after it was all sorted he was allowed to maintain contact with my stepson (who worships his father very naively) and we have had to deal with it over the last 14 years together, needless to say he doesn't try anything with her now as he knows I would gladly get up at any hour of the day / night and go to discuss it with him as we only live 40 minutes away.

Get yourself some help and move on

There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

I'm a bloke and I experienced alcohol induced abuse growing up. it's horrible and unnecessary, pack up and leave te loser, you will be happier for it. feeling fear and being hit in your own home is no way to live so get excited for a new beginning and make it happen. you deserve it.


Catalin

OMG you poor girl I only hope you find the strenth to kick this waster out, unless he is prepared to get help and stop the drink then nothing will probably change and you deserve much better.
Takes me back to a young girl who used to live down my way her boyfreind used to beat her and shes now dead her family are devastated that they couldnt see what was going on and now its too late but the guilt still there.
I dont think your boyfreind hates you but he wants to control you and isnt it funny that he needs the dutch courage (drink) to kick off and even waits till his mates have gone pfffft .
My hubby would never treat me like that and he drinks too much thats not love and partnership.
Please change your life you dont have or deserve to be treated this way throw him out and get help the police and courts are there to help you just find the strenth to be strong it wont be easy but will be worth it ><

Oh dearest i feel for you ><
We can all tell you to leave, but it has to come from you, you know its the right thing to do and i understand taking that step is scary in some ways. The longer you stay the more he is going to chip away at your confidence, but once you do make that step the old you will return but even stronger in mind than you were before that i believe and know.

I've lived though similar, but it was more of verbal abuse once i finally left it was like a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and i'm now a more stronger character than i was back then. I wont take no bull * from anyone now in fact my personalty now scares guys off

There is light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there in your own time, in the mean time we are here if you need us >< ><

I don't have much life experience, and none at all in this subject, so these are just my thoughts on it.

It's fine everyone saying you need to leave him. But no-one can help you until you decide to help yourself. You have to be the one to decide to leave him or decide to take up help. There's no shame in asking for help. Humans are social creatures, we live in communities because we can't live properly without connections and without help and support. And there's also no shame in admitting to people what you're going through. Your loved ones would rather know than not know, and I doubt anyone who cares about you will have the narrow-mindedness to judge you or do anything but offer their comfort and help.

I think abusive people fall into two categories. One category is the people who have anger issues and who feel guilty about what they do. The other category is the people who like the control it gives them and know exactly what they're doing. If he falls into the latter, then he won't stop, it won't get any better, so you'd need to decide if you're willing to sacrifice your happiness for whatever it is that keeps you there. If he's one of those people who has anger issues, then it's possible for him to get better by getting help with his alcoholism and anger problems. But then, you'd need to decide if it's worth it for you.

Either way, I'm really sorry that you're going through this, and even moreso that you haven't really told anyone to get that real-life support. Whatever you do, I hope it all gets better for you.

I swear I've read through all these posts near 10 times. Thank you all for your kind words. It inspires me reading them. Those who have been in a similar situation know its not always as easy as getting up and leaving despite wanting to. I stupidly still love him. Plus my self confidence is shot.....
We have a mortgage together, credit card debit.... Do I just sign over the house and cop the debt? It's only 12k or something, but I'm not exactly rolling in it..... I don't really know what to do. I have not been in a relationship this far before and split. Its different to just moving out of a rental with a couple of suitcases....
:-<

Put the house up for sale, have your share, start a fresh, can you do that, and wipe the credit card clean or some of it. You need to speak to a solictor and soon. What is love when he does that to you, I would rather live a happy live that live in love and fear each day. You are young still and can learn to love again. Just get the hell out now and sort the rest out once you are out.

Pack hsi bags..

Kandn wrote:I swear I've read through all these posts near 10 times. Thank you all for your kind words. It inspires me reading them. Those who have been in a similar situation know its not always as easy as getting up and leaving despite wanting to. I stupidly still love him. Plus my self confidence is shot.....
We have a mortgage together, credit card debit.... Do I just sign over the house and cop the debt? It's only 12k or something, but I'm not exactly rolling in it..... I don't really know what to do. I have not been in a relationship this far before and split. Its different to just moving out of a rental with a couple of suitcases....
:-<

consider yourself lucky that you don't have children toghether. The money side of things is not as important as you might think, in a few years time you'll forget the debt you had and just remember the positive changes

I am so touched by everyone's support. Its overwhelming. Tonight he told me next month he is buying his ticket to India. The plans were for us to go over there for the wedding in Febuary. All his family are over there.... Anyway, he told me I can join him if i lose weight otherwise he is just going over by himself. He is being very secretive about what he will do over there if I'm not there. And to be honest, I'm hurt, but a bit over it....
I'm not expecting everyone to support me as I'm not ready to leave yet. I know it's frustrating. Sometimes I just need to vent.
Thank you....

Vent away, he sounds more like a t0sser everytime you mention him! Sorry!

I would be inclined to let him go to the wedding and enjoy the time away from him it might give you the boost you need
He sounds a right pig
Hugs and love sent straight to you I've known some friends go through something similar and they stayed for years now thankfully they are happy and one now is in a relationship and has a wonderful baby girl
It can get better and you deserve to be happy

You have nothing to feel shameful about, DA creeps up on you, they dont start of that way, so you have already fallen for the person when the abuse starts....you know deep in your heart you have to leave and when you are ready too you will. Keep in touch...and keep cuddling Nike:)

xxx

You dont need our advice clearly something is going wrong and if he doesnt have the respect for you to sit down and talk about stuff and try make you happy then he doesnt deserve you.
28 isnt to old to enjoy your self and find somebody that deserves you.

Kandn wrote:Just felt like a bit of a rant. I'm annoyed tonight. A bit of background, I'm a 28yo female and my partner is abusive, he also drinks much too much. Although he would never admit it he has a problem with it. When he drinks it's worse. He drank tonight. After his mates left he stormed into the bedroom yelling at me. Looks like Nike and I are sleeping on the couch.

I can understand why there are people out there who become reclusive bar their pets.

HUGS, you don't have to stay with him but it is normal that you do, for some reason women who get abused like this stay with their partner. I have seen this too many times and they rarely change no matter how many times they say they will.

I have a friend who has an abusing husband, or he used to be abusive until she threatened him with the bread knife, said she would use it if he touched her again, he never did and that was in 1976, they are still together and are happily married.

There are some really lovely men out there, you don't need to put up with him, nor do you need him.