What shall I chew today?

My human minions left a huge bag of plastic bottles in the hallway for me to distribute round the flat. I had just completed my task when they decided to put them all back in another bag. I shall have to work on their retraining, honestly!

I took my female human for a nice long walk today. She was very well-behaved and didn't keep stopping suddenly for no reason, I think I've trained her out of it by slowing down my speed. Poor thing does only have two legs afterall. I said hello to lots of nice pups who played with me and greeted some elderly Scottish ladies politely so they didn't nip my bum like last time.

When we got home my male human was sleeping, I woke him up by licking his foot so he made that awesome thank you sound which always makes female human laugh and then I had a nice big fart and went to sleep.

The End from Gizmo the flump.

... This diary is gonna make me laugh I think Gizmo.

Can't wait to hear more

oh Gizmo you make me laugh

Dear Diary,

Well, it's been all go since I last wrote. Both my humans vanished for ages and ages and when they got back they brought more hens, lots! The hens keep on saying there's a foxcat but when I run out and check there are none! Most dissappointing, but I've found where most of them are laying and I've eaten lots and lots of eggs and they are tasty. The humans went out again and the Mean Hen came inside and sat on my bed so I hid under the covers.

I got a tripe stick and a ropey thing AND chews cos of I am A Good Boy.

My oppression continues. I ate all my food, and alerted my humans to the fact by tipping the bowl upsides down and belching. No more food was forthcoming. I retaliated by snagging a packet of maltesers off of the table and ate a couple before I got yelled at. Then someone raiseld the Fox Alert and I raced round the garden only to discover one of the hens had a plastic bag on her head. On the way back I found an egg and the male human confiscated it. I found a slug, the female human confiscated it.

I found a pigeon and legged it down the end of the garden. It was TASTY. So tasty I rolled in it. I got carried all the way back to the house and bathed. It was awful.

They found my onion and potato stash. I was just keeping them safe, they're hardly chewed at all!

Dear Diary,

I GOT TO GO THE VETS! It was brilliant, I licked a stethascope and they gave me treats I got to stand on a thing and they gave me stuff to make me feel better and as soon as I was on the way home I did a massive poo and now I'm all bouncy again. The only bad bit was they put a thing on my face. I hope they don't do that again, how will I eat all the stuff on the floor if my mouth's covered? I'll starve!

You are making me laugh with your antics Gizmo. Wait untill the humans take the mask thing off and when they aren't watching hide it

Balloons are SCAREY.

I was walking my human in the park on the lead and we stopped because there was a dog on the path. I sat down so I would look smaller and the other dog wandered over letting his owner run free a long ways away. I said hello perfectly politely and he growled at me. My human gave me cheese on account of I didn't growl back or smack him with my paw.

Aw Gizmo, some dogs are just not as polite but well done you for showing how good Staffies really are

I know the best way to get dogs to chase me is to nip their bum, but my human always puts me on the lead and calls me a reprobate when I do.

Ha ha... Brilliant

It has been a day of extreme pride and excitement! I went into my garden and A Ball appeared from nowhere so I got it and I ran and I ran and played. Then my Female Human came out and then a Stick appeared from over the wall and she told off the stick appearing place. I got up onto My Wooden Pallet and saw there were mini Boy Humans but then they left.

Do you think the mini humans gave me my ball? I like my ball. It is punctured.

Me and my mate Lola found half a rat! I took it and then she took and then I took it and we both took turns rolling it in. But then Lola's human stole it off of us and put it in a bag. Lola reckoned it was going to be for her tea but then he put it in a bin. What a waste of a perfectly good half rat.

Stupid humans. I ate my frizbee.

Oh half rat lovely

Hi gizmo pepper here.

I'm slightly relieved it's not just my humans that take things away. It's always "pepper not the shovel, get out the bin pepper, no pepper not the wellie boots"

What's their problem?

I don't know, but I think it's absurd. Only this morning they took away a perfectly good plug. I had to satisfy myself with popping every bit of a bubble wrap and then eating a stick.

Not the frisbee Gismo

I found it, I get to eat it.

Why is it when I eat a pigeon I get made to have a bath and they keep fretting I'm poorly? Dead pigeons make the Best toys.

I pooed out bits of frizbee today. They were bright yellow.

Just read all of your antics Gizmo made my day.

Oh Gizmo your so funny I love your diary

Today was a Good Day. Me and my human went to the Big Park and I met Princess. We don't normally see her in the park cos of she has allergic to grass on her feets but today we did and we played 'I have a stick' for ages. Princess doesn't like other dogs, only me so her human was really pleased when we played 'I have a stick'. She's a poodle so she's crazy and thinks water is fun when it is bad and makes you have Bath.

I has allergic to grass in my eyes, but I ate some strangely shaped cheese that my male human called Peritin and now I feel all myself again.

I like Doritos bags. I sound like thunder.

... Keep out of the smelly water, smelly water = bath.

Sticks are fun, do you leave yours mid walk to chase things and then pick it up on the ways back ? Flo tries this but she doesn't have real sticks and we tell her all the time that her Special Stix cost £10

i have a bouncy kong that goes kooooooosh swhush swush when I bite it. sticks reappear if you drop them. Flo knows this.

There was a mean dog in the petshop. I saw all his teeth and they were pointy snap snap.

I hid.

Oh Gizmo, you sound fantastic. Your diary is brilliant

Nice butt shot on your Avatar Gizmo

Flo does know that the Stix reappears... Especially if her Mum thinks she needs distracting

I was in with male human last night. I ran in and out of his den to the garden and back again lots. Good times. I bark lots to let everyone know how much fun I had.

Morning walk in park. Found a nice smelling foxpoo to roll in. Then we got the train home, odd because I thought we were having a longer walk. Female human was acting all weird and wouldn't let me snuggle her like she should.

I got took into the bathroom with my harness still on so I knew something bad was to happen. I tried to hide but I am Big now and easy to see. I had such a long bath. I broke the water thing and it sprayed my human all over. HA! See how she likes getting her coat wet.