How to give a cat a pill

Found this on another forum...........thought it might raise a couple of laughs.

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down the straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Wrap it in bacon.

that was funny

So true. Me and the Mrs go through something simular with our cats.
Nice one Caryll....just off to wipe the tears away

YES TRUE AND FUNNY

I read the topic and thought, 'gee's is there not an end to Carylls advice and knowledge'.................................................................................then I read the post fab!!

Cats, Janey, are not in my field of expertise (if I have a field of expertise in anything at all!) - I really don't like them much at all, and Dempsey hates them with a vengeance! But my sister used to love them (still does actually) and this male tabby she had was a horror! It would bite, scratch & yell when you tried to give it pills! That's why I thought the post was quite funny, it reminded me so much of the little b*****d!

Caryll wrote:Cats, Janey, are not in my field of expertise (if I have a field of expertise in anything at all!) - I really don't like them much at all, and Dempsey hates them with a vengeance! But my sister used to love them (still does actually) and this male tabby she had was a horror! It would bite, scratch & yell when you tried to give it pills! That's why I thought the post was quite funny, it reminded me so much of the little b*****d!

My mums always had cats, molly was her last, we live that close thhat if she went away I would feed it ect, she was old and needed tablets so I know exactly what your talking about!! Hence very good!! Gees I would just loose the bleedin pills find them stuck to my slipper the next day!!

Hahahahaha, sounds like tablet time in my house. I even reverted to giving my cat worming PASTE rather than a tablet but that does'nt go down any easier either. We end up with paste everywhere from when Tom (my cat) shakes and runs.
Like the post said, dogs will down anything if they think they are getting a treat

Loved it....sure did make me smile

I don't like cats, I find them quite creepy

Like that, its funny and remind me of me giving my cat a pill , it now takes 2 people one to hold all 4 legs and 1 to give the pill

My grandmother showed me this a couple of years ago when her cat bit her really badly while she was trying to give the cat a pill. Haven't had to give any pills to my cats, but I have had to give them flea baths and ear mite treatments. That wasn't much easier!!

I posted this on the bull terrier forum I go on - it started a major debate on the best way to give a pill.............wtf? It was only a joke!

Caryll wrote:I posted this on the bull terrier forum I go on - it started a major debate on the best way to give a pill.............wtf? It was only a joke!

And was the best solution pay someone else to do it?

Well, I thought the best sugestion was "get rid of the cat".

Do you type that or was it Dempsey

It could have been Dempsey, but it was definitely me! I'm not a cat person.