At a crossroads... Really in need of some advice.

Hi everyone,
First of all, I'm not sure if this is in the right forum, and I apologise for the long-winded story, but here goes...
I'm trying to shed some light on a serious decision that might have to be made..
I've had Rosie for 2 months now. I did not raise her and adopted her at the age of 18 months. Now, as time has passed, things have not turned out the way I had imagined. I know, nothing every really does, it's all by chance, but how things have turned out is actually giving me more grief than happiness. To start from the beginning, I'd wanted a dog since I was around 6 or 7. At the age of 21 (last year) I moved into my own unit on my own and after a few months decided to see if I was allowed a pet. My real estate agent was COMPLETELY against me having any sort of pet other than a fish, but, to my surprise, my landlord said yes to a dog or cat. I was ecstatic! Seeing that I'd wanted a dog for so long, I chose to get that instead of a cat (which mind you was my gut instinct to get, but my want for something so badly took over). I was limited to dog size and breed and went for a Staffy because my landlord once owned a bull terrier cross and her son has two Staffies of his own, so she knew what they were like and was happy for me to have one. Now, I'd looked after other people's dog before, large dogs (Bull Arab x Great Dane x Mastiff types of dogs), for over a year so I thought I would be prepared for anything that came to happen whilst having my own dog. When choosing a dog, I also had to choose whether to get a puppy or an adult. I chose an adult as there was less of a chance of crying and barking whilst I was at work and less chance of excessive chewing of things around the house and above all upsetting my neighbours and the likelihood of me having to get rid of my dog... But getting an adult dog meant that I hadn't raised that dog and hadn't known it's complete past. Anyway, I digress... I bought Rosie from a lady locally who'd had her for a month after taking her from a friend who'd moved states. Things hadn't worked out well with Rosie there as they were struggling with a toddler, a fox terrier and a cat. They live in an apartment/unit/flat and Rosie had been kept inside most times. Hearing this and her temperament and after meeting Rosie, I fell in love with her and also my eagerness for getting a dog completely took over. A few days later I adopted Rosie.

Things were going well, I took her for walks in the mornings and nights and she and I hung around in my unit. But over these last 2 months, I haven't seemed to make the connection I had made with the other dogs I had looked after. She does feel like MY dog, but I don't feel as if she is my everything. I see how much other people love their dogs and are so enthusiastic about them, but I just can't get that feeling. I'm not sure if it's time, or if it's just not working with her, but something doesn't feel right.

Within the last few weeks, I have felt more and more frustrated with Rosie and have taken more worry over her. I truly feel that she deserves a better home. She is a HUGE people-dog (not a dog's dog... Socialising dogs with her is always an uncertainty) and I believe that she needs a home with children and yard to throw a ball in.. Here, I throw the ball to her from one end of the unit to the other. I still don't have enough trust in her to let her run free in the park and chase a ball without the fear that she'll look at another dog the wrong way or they look at her the wrong way and all hell break loose. I also don't trust her enough to leave her on her own in my apartment overnight, nor would I like to leave her here alone that long as I'm worried she'd get upset. And above all, I believe I don't have the patience I thought I would have with her to train her.

Someone once said to me that people at my age shouldn't get a dog because it restricts them from doing all the things people at my age do, like travel and be spontaneous. They said that dogs are for people that have settled down.. And maybe I did rush it, maybe that's why I'm doubting myself with her. I've tied myself down to a commitment I wasn't ready for. And Rosie is stuck in between all this. In the last 2 days she has started to chew things, shoes, bottles, baskets, her dog brush.. Things she's never looked twice at. That's really made me think that she does indeed need a better home where there's a yard for her to adventure in and kids that can't wait to come home from school and greet her.

To end my long story of a question, what do I do? I care about her enough to realise she needs a better home with people that will give her all the attention she needs, but I don't really want to let her go all the same. She's very clingy and I'm also worried that letting her go now won't do her any good as she has moved too often in such a short period of time. I hope I'm not sounding selfish as I really do want the best for her and it isn't fair when I can't give her what she needs. :-<

do what you feel is right for you and if you end up giving your dog away, take as long as she needs to find a suitable home. If you have regrets holding on would only make you bitter and would drag your relationship into darker waters.

Some dog owners are guilty of thinking that their home is the best for their dogs but lets be honest, if you find a family with more time on their hands willing to take her on she will fast adapt.

Staffords are a breed that do really need human companionship. Whether it's a walk together, play time, or just chilling out on the sofa. They aren't the highest energy dog but aren't the lowest either, I get the feeling from your story she may need a bit more stimulation that way.

My dog Logan isn't totally trustworthy with dogs and I like you am nervous about letting him off the lead because of other dogs and generally not feeling in total control. I felt he wasn't getting enough time to be a dog and roam about when walking as he is always on a short lead beside my ankle. I read someone on the forum saying to someone about training leads and thought I'd give it a go. They are basically a long lead that allows the dog extra room but still gives you the confidence that she's on the lead. It use it in safe areas, like football pitches and fields and I can honestly say Logan has never been happier since. If you want to see what I mean, type "20ft dog lead" into eBay (I don't think I'm allowed to post the link)

They don't necessarily need a garden, a lot of members on here have totally happy and fulfilled dogs and no garden. I have two gardens and Logan only uses them to go to the toilet. If she is sufficiently exercised a garden shouldn't matter.

You sound very frustrated about the whole thing and I can understand but I don't think you should give up so easily.

Have you any friends/family that have dogs that could meet you for walks to allow your dog a chance to socialise with people you know/trust?

RosieRose wrote:Someone once said to me that people at my age shouldn't get a dog because it restricts them from doing all the things people at my age do, like travel and be spontaneous. They said that dogs are for people that have settled down..

Whoever told you this is totally wrong. I have had dogs my entire life, I am 25 now. I have never felt restricted because of my dogs. Infact if I didn't have dogs I wouldn't have experienced a lot of the better moments of my life.

Try some of the ideas above, they mightent all work but they worked for me. Keep us updated.

Thank you, both of you, for your replies. It's really good to get some feedback like this. I've asked people around me and no one really has a clue of what to do...

MatLogan wrote:Staffords are a breed that do really need human companionship. Whether it's a walk together, play time, or just chilling out on the sofa. They aren't the highest energy dog but aren't the lowest either, I get the feeling from your story she may need a bit more stimulation that way.

My dog Logan isn't totally trustworthy with dogs and I like you am nervous about letting him off the lead because of other dogs and generally not feeling in total control. I felt he wasn't getting enough time to be a dog and roam about when walking as he is always on a short lead beside my ankle. I read someone on the forum saying to someone about training leads and thought I'd give it a go. They are basically a long lead that allows the dog extra room but still gives you the confidence that she's on the lead. It use it in safe areas, like football pitches and fields and I can honestly say Logan has never been happier since. If you want to see what I mean, type "20ft dog lead" into eBay (I don't think I'm allowed to post the link)

They don't necessarily need a garden, a lot of members on here have totally happy and fulfilled dogs and no garden. I have two gardens and Logan only uses them to go to the toilet. If she is sufficiently exercised a garden shouldn't matter.

You sound very frustrated about the whole thing and I can understand but I don't think you should give up so easily.

Have you any friends/family that have dogs that could meet you for walks to allow your dog a chance to socialise with people you know/trust?

RosieRose wrote:Someone once said to me that people at my age shouldn't get a dog because it restricts them from doing all the things people at my age do, like travel and be spontaneous. They said that dogs are for people that have settled down..

Whoever told you this is totally wrong. I have had dogs my entire life, I am 25 now. I have never felt restricted because of my dogs. Infact if I didn't have dogs I wouldn't have experienced a lot of the better moments of my life.

Try some of the ideas above, they mightent all work but they worked for me. Keep us updated.

Yes, I did a lot of research before getting my Staffy and saw a lot of stories of people having staffies as apartment dogs. One problem with Rosie is that she prefers to wait until she gets home from a walk to go to the toilet and goes on my garage cement floor. That floor is looking horrible right now with the stains made from both her urine and every product I've tried to clean it up with...

I thought about the long lead idea... With the previous dogs I looked after, one of them was very dominant with other males dogs to the point that I witnessed him and another male get in a nasty fight that left holes in both their skins. That was terrifying to watch as I tried so so hard to break them up and was really upset thinking of how the fight may end. So in saying this, I guess this is what's in the back of my mind when I take Rosie anywhere. It'd be so much worse this sort of situation happening when it's my dog that's involved instead of a friend's, so thinking about the long leash idea makes my mind think about the possibility of her getting in a fight with another dog that may run up to her, for example, and I'm unable to pull her in...

She has been around a non-desexed male that belongs to a friend and seems to get along with him. But he is smaller than her also. She gets very nervous around larger dogs such as Great Danes.


I do want her to be happy. She's happy when I'm in her presence but I don't believe she is truly happy where she is.

How much exercise is she getting? At a minimum she should have 2 walks of 45 minutes each every day. This will keep her happy and help with the energy levels and chewing.

Long leads will let them roam and if you feel like you are in an area you might need her close by you can bring the line in in plenty of time.

Also what are you feeding her on?

I think you should stick with her for a bit longer, she has been passed from pillar to post already and deserves a chance especially since shes done nothing wrong. Maybe you were expecting her to be different to who she is and you are resenting her not being the dog you imagined. In your avatar photo she is looking at you like she thinks she is your dog, her eyes say it all. I guess ultimtely it is your decision, perhaps you should join a club (agility, flyball, weightpull) or something to have something to enjoy together. This should build your bond and put the two of you in different situations. Or maybe take a camping trip just the two of you...

If you are expecting too much of her then of course she will never measure up to your standards. Shes a real dog, not a dog you fantasise about on TV. I have heard of people not "clicking" with animals yes, but that is when they don't give them a chance. Do something with her that you can both enjoy together and you will have a life long friend. Getting rid because you don't think she deserves you is a cop out, all dogs deserve a stable home and not being passed about like rubbish. You wanted a dog, you got one, now it is the time to get on with it.