How to get Tilly to man up

So a bit of advice would be great if anyone has some answers.

When we got Tommy it was always the opinion of everyone I spoke to that Tilly would always rule the roost as a female (pretty much like they think with hoomans ) But I have noticed she is becoming very passive.
She won't come barging in for a treat , for her space on the bed, if Tommy is trying to eat from her bowl and always sits back ears down looking sad , makes us feel a bit guilty sometimes that Tommy is taking over.
When they are out in the garden she is generally assertive and will be just as in charge as Tommy during play but all other times she is always hanging back giving us the look. Any ideas on teaching her to stand her ground

I wouldn't if I were you. Let them find their own levels. If you interfere you could upset the balance & that could lead to problems.

Just feel so sorry for her sometimes like we've brought Tommy in and she is getting pushed out , have to hold Tommy to one side on the bed and then encourage Tilly to come to the top, then Tommy bounces on her and she goes skulking to the bottom with her tail between her legs.
She still grabs her favoiurite place when Tommy isn't looking though , tucked in behind me in the office chair

Caryll wrote:I wouldn't if I were you. Let them find their own levels. If you interfere you could upset the balance & that could lead to problems.

x2

cheers , they had a proper scrap tonight , don't know why but the worst I've seen , no-one hurt and then when we decided to take them out separately Tommy was kissing Tilly goodbye through the safety gate

How old is he now mate ?

I'm sure they will sort things out Dave for themselves, it does sound unfair though dosn't it

Biggest problem for us is we've treat Tilly like our baby and now she's molly coddled , Tommy is just way too confident

I'm sure it will settle down in time but I guess Tommy is really beginning to find himself now, if not when Sues Inca comes to stay, I'll take Tilly also, Inca Tilly & Moo

I think I would let them sort things out for themselves as well

You could always send Tilly to me - Dempsey would love a lady friend!

Caryll wrote:You could always send Tilly to me - Dempsey would love a lady friend!

I asked first

It looks like Tilly is stepping down and Tommys now king pin, and how ever hard it may seem you need to respect and understand that in Tommys eyes his higher than Tilly.
Them both fighting is him enforcing his new statues to her as you unconsciously bring her up to his level some times.

In most house holds with a male & a female it is the female than normally rules the roost, but Tommys sees that Tilly is a soft touch and not dominant enough so has taken the top dog position away from her.

If you want some manners installed into him, send him over to mine auntie Leyla will have him belly crawling in her presence within 10 minutes

I think Dave could be very tempted by the offer when Tommy's playing up!

When I bring Ledger to my parents there are certain situations that he has pushed to be top dog but their old girl Lucky a springer/collie cross still keeps him in order when she wants to and I can't bring say his stag bar over or she will start a fight for it (and Ledger will relent immediately) whereas she has no interest in his kong

Tommy is bound to be testing boundaries as he grows and I would think that Tilly is giving him a bit of leeway as he finds his feet.

Denise wrote:It looks like Tilly is stepping down and Tommys now king pin, and how ever hard it may seem you need to respect and understand that in Tommys eyes his higher than Tilly.
Them both fighting is him enforcing his new statues to her as you unconsciously bring her up to his level some times.

In most house holds with a male & a female it is the female than normally rules the roost, but Tommys sees that Tilly is a soft touch and not dominant enough so has taken the top dog position away from her.

If you want some manners installed into him, send him over to mine auntie Leyla will have him belly crawling in her presence within 10 minutes

Auntie Leyla sounds like my old headmistress but far better looking .

Taking in everyones comments and going to just take a step back and let things take their course, nothing stopping us spoiling Tilly when the Tomminator isn't looking :-$ But when they are together Tommy's the boss

Thanks everyone

I guess Tommy's just growing up and deciding he wants to be the boss

Dave wrote:So a bit of advice would be great if anyone has some answers.

When we got Tommy it was always the opinion of everyone I spoke to that Tilly would always rule the roost as a female (pretty much like they think with hoomans ) But I have noticed she is becoming very passive.
She won't come barging in for a treat , for her space on the bed, if Tommy is trying to eat from her bowl and always sits back ears down looking sad , makes us feel a bit guilty sometimes that Tommy is taking over.
When they are out in the garden she is generally assertive and will be just as in charge as Tommy during play but all other times she is always hanging back giving us the look. Any ideas on teaching her to stand her ground

maisie trys it on with blain when she can but to be honest dave he is a big lad and soon puts her in hr place as otheres have said he trying it on ask linzi if she can remember if tommy was a dominent one in the puppy pack if he was he could just trying to get his pack ranking up good look they will find there leval

Yep, they'll soon sort out their own hierarchy. That being said, I'm quite strict (or at least I was when I had two dogs, now I only have Hiccup) about treats and food - each dog must stick to their own and not steal from the other. It makes life simpler and fairer (each dog gets a treat for example) and also prevents the one dog from becoming overweight from overeating.

When we (hopefully) get our new puppy in November/December, I will have to do the same as Hiccup has to have his hypoallergenic food which the puppy won't have.

sure they'll find a balance soon enough, my folks have dog and bitch lab's living together and the dog just became most dominant when he moved in and he gets first everything, which can seem unfair at times but they snuggle up together at night and both seem happy enough.

They are getting there , no scraps this week , Tilly patiently waits indoors until she can get som attention but outside is another story and she will quite frequently just run up and head butt him for no reason other than because she can

glad to hear they are getting along better

Yes glad to hear they are getting along better too.

Very similar to our family.
They have to find a pecking order it seems to us thats not fair but dogs do like to know were they stand. Our girl always showed respect to our dog but they loved and respected each other too and were true friends he loved her so much even though he was the dominant one . I dont think you should encourage tilly to man up cause if she did there could be problems and you wouldnt want constant bickering from them each trying to be top dog