Need help with my obsessed girl?

Hey guys, first time poster just needing some advice.
My mum purchased a little blue English staffy when she was a pup. I lived overseas but came home and moved back in with my mum when she was around 7 months old. I started walking her, feeding her, training her and just showing her attention in general as I was at the time out of work. She soon became somewhat obsessed with me. Sheso now just recently hit 12 more than and her obsession with me is to the extreme. She doesn't sleep in my room but she will sit outside my bedroom window all night stressing. If she's inside she will sit outside my door waiting for hours. She chews things like toilet paper rolls waiting for me to get up. My mum tries to get her attention and it doesn't work. Inka ('my' dog) won't really socialize with anyone else. If she's called by anyone but me she will ignore them. She wants nothing to do with anyone unless it's kids then she's her happy self.

I struggle leaving the house as she will barge out the door before me and sit at my car wanting to get in. When I walk around the house she will always be a step or 2 behind me. If I go to the toilet she's waiting at the door... I have a shower she sits and waits as well.

Now the sad part, I love her to pieces and I probably have accidently influenced her to be like this from smothering her but my issue is I have to go back overseas to live and she's not my dog to take. My mum seems to think she will be fine when I go, I seem to think otherwise. I'm worried she will stop eating and become depressed which I don't want.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can get her less attached to me ? I'm the only one that bothers to feed her or walk her so if I stop that she probably wouldn't eat or get exercise so I can't stop that. But anything else that could be helpful?
I just want her to be okay when I leave

Thanks

Hi and welcome to the forum

Before embarking on a long answer - how long before you leave? In other words, how much training time have we got?

I'm not sure what the answer is but I'll give it a good think.

Hey! Thank you

I will be leaving in mid-late feb so I have around a month to get this sorted. Possibly longer depending on how things work out.

It's a tough situation but I hope there's something I can do in this time !

It is indeed a tough situation. Sadly I think you are right that you have inadvertently encouraged it but there's no point beating yourself up, you can't change the past.

My gut feeling is that you need to deal with this as you would any case of separation anxiety. Although this is, as you say, extreme, the basis is still the same, that Inka feels anxious/scared by you not being there.

There's a lot of advice on separation anxiety training. I like this:

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-advice/alone-home-%E2%80%93-separation-anxiety-dogs

and this

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/dog-care/common-dog-behavior-issues/separation-anxiety

I would stress the 'build up slowly' and the point about making your return very low key. You want leaving to become positive and returning/reuniting to be less rewarding. If necessary, completely ignore Inka when you return and wait for her to settle before you quietly tell her she's good.

Be very aware of accidentally reinforcing (rewarding) the behaviours you want her to stop. For instance, if she barges through the door to make sure she's not left behind, turn round and go back in again. If necessary, you could even close the door behind you and leave her outside for a few seconds (literally seconds) so that the result of her barging is the opposite of what she is trying to achieve. Instead, ask her to sit quietly as you open the door, praise her, then go back inside with her and reward her with attention for having not barged.

I know this is going to be a worrying time for both of you but try hard not to be over-protective of her. It will be stressful for her, sadly I think that's unavoidable, but the idea is to try and work at the level where the stress is such that she can just cope with it, so that she learns that she can.

At the same time, I would also get others to join you in some of her care so that you are teaching Inka that others can feed/walk her. To start off with, you keep on doing it too but then gradually hand over. For instance, go for walks together, initially with you holding the lead but then you hand it over to someone else. Then walk with a little distance between you, etc.

I think you also need to trust others. It sounds to me like part of this problem might be that they might feel excluded from the bond that is her and you, and if they feel you don't trust them it won't encourage them to work with you now. Let them work with you and hopefully prove that they can feed/walk her, give everyone a chance to get this right for you all. In other words, don't fuss, don't criticise if they don't do it the same as you would, and give them space but support to bond with her in their own way.

Can't add to the above advice just take the training a day at a time . Id start training today if possible. You have already recognised the dogs become attatched to you which is a big thing.

I've taken the day off work today and Ivery just read through the articles. One mentioned putting up a gate and giving them a treat/toy and separating her but letting her still see me.

I've put up a gate in between my lounge room and dining room. Gave her a chewy treat and a toy and she's just sitting on her bed outside the gate sleeping lol I picked up my keys and bag and she did freak out a little but I walked around holding the two and then sat down. She doesn't go mental she's just laying there with her back turned to me not interested in her favorite treat at all. And keeps looking up to make sure I'm still here.

I'm trying but I feel like she's going to be hard to Crack. Might look into getting a trainer here to help. Again last night she sat outside my bedroom window for hours. It's as if she doesn't sleep. Then when I let her inside this morning she ran straight inside my room and slept for hours. Like that's where she's comfortable.

She's never really slept with me. She did for a few weeks in October when my mum went on holidays but she's always usually been in my mums room with her at night. Now she is suppose to be sleeping in the garage which is empty and has her bed and toys in there but instead she sits outside my window .

She's always been slightly attached to me but it's getting progressively worse the past month or two. I'll keep trying though! Thanks so much for the repliesb

Hi & Welcome to the Forum from Flo and me

I'm guessing you're not in the UK, As sleeping outside your window would be flippin cold right now As an addition to what's already been suggested I would get your Mum to be really treat friendly, there's not much that persaudes a Staffy more than food That your their bestest friend.

Also, don't fret too much, as long as yer Mum loves her and shows affection and supplies those tasty treats she'll cope with the change, my girl did when both my kids left home, and then came back, and then left... Oh you get the idea

Hey and Thank you!

I'm actually from Australia so it is incredibly hot.. 40 degrees today hence the day off work lol also why she's sleeping outside as its cooler in the garage at night then it is inside.

My mum adores her! I I feel guilty that she's become so attached to me because my mum will try to get her attention, then when inka looks at me and doesn't look at her she gets a bit upset and stops trying. Everyone is a little upset that she doesn't go near them so they've all given up but this isn't what I wanted! I've tried telling other people to take her for walks and to feed her but their mentality is 'she likes you more so you do it!' So I'm a bit stuck lol this is why she likes me more though. They're not helping the situation at all and it's becoming more and more stressful.

I do know when I leave my mum will do everything for her. Plus my mum is moving to 7 acres so they will spend a lot of time outdoors walking on the property so she will have the attention. There's also the possibility of her getting another dog when she moves to guard the property as well as to give inka a friend to play with.

Hopefully she will be okay and deal with the transition well. I've left her behind this gate for quite a while. She's only about 2 metres away and can see me so I've been walking in and out, picking up my keys and bag and putting them back down. She's just picked up her kong and started trying to get treats out. Some progress as before she didn't want to touch it lol

This is miss inka she's doing well considering it's her first day of training. I think I've walked in and out of the house about 30 times with my bag and keys.

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Wow, she's beautiful!

That sounds very positive so far. You also sound a bit less worried, which should help you all. A plan of action can be a magic thing just in itself.

Keep it up, not pushing to quickly but always looking to make progress.

Your mum moving might actually help as Inka won't be expecting to find you there, and in the new surroundings will hopefully look to what she knows best, i.e. your mum.

Let us know how it goes.

Haha she is beautiful

Update on her, I've been showing her less attention and my mum has now become involved. She's playing with her a lot more and when inka tries to rush out the door we've been closing it and leaving her outside. Yesterday it took 4 tries before she eventually sat and waited at the door until we said she could come out with us..

One thing I'm not sure how to conquer though is her sleeping outside.

Does anyone have any ideas on what I could do with that? Every single night she's outside my window which is annoying because she's running around in pebbles which makes a lot of noise at midnight. Last night I caved in as I couldn't sleep with her making so much noise so I let her inside and she slept in my bed. Went to sleep instantly.

I want her to be able to sleep outside and actually sleep.. not sit there for hours at my window making noise lol I'm not sure how to go about that though ? I'll usually go to bed at 9pm, but I'll fall asleep around 12 and she's there the entire time so I'm wondering if she sits there all night and doesn't sleep at all :/ which would explain why as soon as we open the door when we wake up in the morning she runs straight to my bed and falls asleep whilst we get ready for work.

She's currently locked in the dining room again with 3 toys and treats hidden in them so she's in her own world trying to get her treats. Good sign as she's not watching me or stressing

Thanks for everyones help!

Sounds like you're all working hard and it's paying off. Great stuff!

Is there anywhere she could be encouraged to sleep that's not outside? Maybe try putting your bedding in a specified place (and you using new stuff) so that it is 'you' still, and teaching her with treats and kongs to go there during the day, and then making sure she has access to that but not to outside your room from any direction at night? Maybe the dining room if that's where you've started now and she seems to be happy with it. I wouldn't lock her in there at night to start off with, this mustn't feel like a punishment, but see if there is some way that you can restrict her other options and make the dining room her best one, so that she chooses to do what you'd like.

Stress can create stress and it becomes a cycle that's hard to break. You often see stress/worry/fear problems getting worse even though nothing changes because the fact of feeling scared about something is horrible and so reinforces the idea that there is something to worry about. Finding a way of breaking the cycle completely and offering a less worrying alternative is often very effective.