My best friend - Mase

(Sorry if I've posted this in the wrong area of the forum, please feel free to move it if needed)

So coming up to nearly 11 years of owning my best friend Mase it all sadly come to an end last week. He was a fit and healthy pedigree Staffie, brindle in colour and absolutely gorgeous. Until the early morning of Thursday 27th March when I woke up at 1am to violent scratching downstairs, I ran down to find my boy having a seizure. This was extremely difficult to watch and to be honest I didn't have a clue what to do or how long this had been going on for as I was fast asleep at the time. I managed to get on the phone to an emergency vet who told me to bring him down straight away. This proved to be a complete nightmare as after the seizure, poor Mase was so disorientated he didn't know where he was or who I was. He paced around for a while until I managed to get him into the car and raced down to the vets. They done various tests and said they couldn't find anything wrong with bloods etc so would keep him in and monitor.

It comes to 8am and I'm told to pick Mase up and take to my normal vets, after they explain he has been fine all night and that this might just be a 'one off'. My local vet gives him another check over, places him on a drip and states they will monitor him again and see what happens.

6pm comes and I go along to pick him up. He comes out, gingerly wagging his tail which I thought was perhaps a good sign, he ran straight into my arms. The vet said he didn't have any further seizures and told me to take him home and bring him back after the weekend whilst given my some 'Diazepam' medication in case he has another seizure. All that worry I originally had came to a calm and I was praying to god this seizure was a 'one off'.

After getting him home he falls asleep beside me, absolutely exhausted. Until only 20mins later he wakes up quick and starts walking around the room snapping with his mouth like trying to catch flies. I looked this up before hand and this was a pre cursor for a full seizure, my hope had again sunk along with my heart. He managed to snap out of it but again was very disorientated.

The whole night I stayed up with him, he had three further seizures and this was completely devastating to watch. It was obvious something serious was now wrong but I stayed awake with him stroking him telling him I was there and everything would be OK. The emergency vet was spoken to and said he couldn't do any more than me and said I should continue to monitor him all night.

First thing in the morning, again I took him straight to the vet who again said he was ok and that he would keep him in and place him on medication for seizures. This angered me and I demanded to have an MRI carried out after I read about brain tumors and dogs and all the little things he had done for years, even without the seizures seemed to tick all the boxes. From running in circles in the garden before going to the toilet and even his slight behaviour changes when he didn't want to see me when I returned from work etc. I all suddenly made sense.

I managed to get him to the Royal Veterinary College in North Mymms for an MRI and what I thought had become a reality. They were unable to operate on the tumor and stated they could only try with medication which would only cause him to have further seizures. I decided along with the vets to have him put to sleep.

This whole experience has broke my heart, he was and will always be my best friend. I love him more than anything and even though it's been a few days I still think about him every second of the day, making me feel completely empty.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this and have any advice? Just really want to here from other like minded people as I'm finding this extremely difficult at the minute.

Thanks for reading and remember to spend every second with your dog like it's the last. You never know what could happen next.

Hi JB I am so sorry to hear of your loss and can appreciate how very sad
you must be feeling right now.
I really felt I had to respond to your post because my very first Staffie
boy had exactly the same thing and I know how awful it is to see the
dog you love having a seizure.  My boy had a brain tumour and suffered
several what I think was called petit mal seizures before he had the
last one which he didn't come out of and I had to take the decision to
have him put to sleep.
Like you I was broken hearted and even today some 20 or more years
later it still hurts when I think about it.  But I know I did the right
thing for my boy and it was my final act of love for him, and deep down
I think you know that you did too. You could have done no more.
Grieving for a much loved dog is hard and nothing I or anyone else can
say will help, its something we all have to go through.  Just remember
you loved Mase and were loved by him in return and he would thank you
for being his best friend until the end.
He does indeed look a gorgeous boy.  

What a noble, intelligent face. Poor Mase. I'm very sorry for your loss. I have been through this - it is devastating because the dog will have permeated all your routines and rituals. Even the way you look at things, the way you move about the house, the things you do first thing in the morning and last thing at night - these all take on a different shape and everything feels empty. I wish I could give you as good advice as you have given all of us: to spend every second with your dog like it's the last. Very true. You didnt hang onto Mase too long, when he was suffering. That can be a common (but understandable) mistake. The kindest thing, to let him go, poor old boy.

Lizzie wrote:Hi JB I am so sorry to hear of your loss and can appreciate how very sad
you must be feeling right now.
I really felt I had to respond to your post because my very first Staffie
boy had exactly the same thing and I know how awful it is to see the
dog you love having a seizure.  My boy had a brain tumour and suffered
several what I think was called petit mal seizures before he had the
last one which he didn't come out of and I had to take the decision to
have him put to sleep.
Like you I was broken hearted and even today some 20 or more years
later it still hurts when I think about it.  But I know I did the right
thing for my boy and it was my final act of love for him, and deep down
I think you know that you did too. You could have done no more.
Grieving for a much loved dog is hard and nothing I or anyone else can
say will help, its something we all have to go through.  Just remember
you loved Mase and were loved by him in return and he would thank you
for being his best friend until the end.
He does indeed look a gorgeous boy.  

Thank you for your kind words, I do feel like I'm never going to get rid of the feeling I have now. I'm trying to keep myself busy by going back to work but ever since picking him up I've thought about him every second of the day. This is the reason I was hoping to find a forum like this to try and talk about it instead of keeping it inside. Just trying to take each day one step at a time.

yeahbut wrote:What a noble, intelligent face. Poor Mase. I'm very sorry for your loss. I have been through this - it is devastating because the dog will have permeated all your routines and rituals. Even the way you look at things, the way you move about the house, the things you do first thing in the morning and last thing at night - these all take on a different shape and everything feels empty. I wish I could give you as good advice as you have given all of us: to spend every second with your dog like it's the last. Very true. You didnt hang onto Mase too long, when he was suffering. That can be a common (but understandable) mistake. The kindest thing, to let him go, poor old boy.

Thank you, I couldn't agree with you more about the daily routines etc. I walk round the house and can visualise you everywhere, that's what I find hardest. I came home this morning from working a night shift and not seeing him sitting on the bottom of the stairs waiting to go for a walk even though I'm always so tired is something I miss massively. Even now whilst sitting at the laptop he would be beside me nudging my leg to stroke him.

I've been thinking about getting involved with charities, re homing kennels etc due to the amount of Staffies not wanted throughout the country and even been thinking about possibly re homing some poor little Staffie out there in need of a decent home. Would you recommend this somewhere down the line? I can't do it at the moment as I'm still missing Mase massively.

Oh what a story I am feeling your pain I am sat in tears just reading it. Mase was a gorgeous boy and every second you will think about him and miss him. It will never go but will ease.
Experienced this with my 17 yr old Dacshund his was a brain tumour and as you say pieced it together with little things that had been happening to him.
I still miss my boy now nearly 4 years on. Glad you had the strength to come and talk here as I am sure it will help you immensely. xxx

Johnny that broke my heart to read, all I can say is we are all here if you need to talk, and yes you will get another in whatever time frame you think is right for you, never to replace Mase, but to fill a void that is missing.

Huge hugs from us, time is a great healer, not that you will feel that now. Xx

Inez Maria wrote:Oh what a story I am feeling your pain I am sat in tears just reading it. Mase was a gorgeous boy and every second you will think about him and miss him. It will never go but will ease.
Experienced this with my 17 yr old Dacshund his was a brain tumour and as you say pieced it together with little things that had been happening to him.
I still miss my boy now nearly 4 years on. Glad you had the strength to come and talk here as I am sure it will help you immensely. xxx

janey wrote:Johnny that broke my heart to read, all I can say is we are all here if you need to talk, and yes you will get another in whatever time frame you think is right for you, never to replace Mase, but to fill a void that is missing.

Huge hugs from us, time  is a great healer, not that you will feel that now. Xx

Thank you for the replies it means a lot. I'm sorry if I've upset anyone or brought back memories of past loved ones. It is incredibly difficult to come to terms with it especially when it all happens so quick. I think in the long run I will definitely look to re home another Staffie just to hear that little grunt they make when they snore or hear the pitter-patter of their paws on the floor when I wake up. Any dog is truly a mans friend and it's incredible what a huge hole they leave in someones life when they are not around any more.

Your post brought tears to my eyes reading it just reminded me of losing my snoop last year.
My thoughts are with you in these difficult time

I'm sure you haven't upset anyone, we are all dog lovers here and
willing to share our experiences.

Its good that you can think about rehoming another Staffie as you
obviously have so much love to give.  I have had 4 more Staffs since
I lost my boy that I told you about and loved every one of them.

I hope this won't distress you further but come back and read this
again when you are feeling ready.

You are in my thoughts johnny, I can only imagine your pain and loss, I'm a relatively newbie owner to Darcy who's 19months, and can't imagine life without her. In time I'm sure you find it more bareable and then hopefully ready to bring a rescue Stafford into your life, there are so many of our breed unwanted in rescue, I'm sure helping out in a rescue may help ease your pain when your ready. we're here for you, night and day, there's always someone to chat to xx

Lizzie wrote:I'm sure you haven't upset anyone, we are all dog lovers here and
willing to share our experiences.

Its good that you can think about rehoming another Staffie as you
obviously have so much love to give.  I have had 4 more Staffs since
I lost my boy that I told you about and loved every one of them.

I hope this won't distress you further but come back and read this
again when you are feeling ready.

Lizzie, that picture and words sums up exactly how I feel and how Mase would of wanted me to feel. I bought Mase for £450 when I was 17 (which was supposed to be money for my first car) and even the breeders only wanted that much due to his Mother having a cesarean as the pups were so big & only three being in the litter with them keeping one and selling two to good homes. I've already had a flick through Battersea and Dogs Trust sites but I'm going to wait until I feel the time is right. I know it will be hard going through it all again, god forbid it does but I'm willing to take the pain to give another beautiful dog a decent life.

_Hayley_ wrote:You are in my thoughts johnny, I can only imagine your pain and loss, I'm a relatively newbie owner to Darcy who's 19months,  and can't imagine life without her. In time I'm sure you find it more bareable and then hopefully ready to bring a rescue Stafford into your life, there are so many of our breed unwanted in rescue, I'm sure helping out in a rescue may help ease your pain when your ready. we're here for you, night and day, there's always someone to chat to xx

Thanks Hayley, really appreciate it. Darcy sounds lovely

I'm so sorry. Reading this just broke my heart, Biscuit is my very first dog, but I've lost a lot of dogs in rescue kennels and can understand the hole it leaves. We're all here to listen/read whenever you feel you want to talk, tell stories, share memories. Anything it takes to help you through the grief! It's good to have the support.

I think it's a great idea to get involved in rescue when you're feeling ready! Ease yourself into it, you could start by volunteering as a dog walker and see if somebody steals your heart, rescues are always desperate for staffy people.

Look after yourself, it feels like forever, but soon you'll be able to look back and remember the good times without the pain. Xxx

So sorry to hear of your loss. There are lots of us here that have lost dogs so understand your pain. It will always hurt but it does get better. No one can really say anything to take away the pain you are feeling right now. Rachel's idea of walking rescue dogs is a good one. I found I kept thinking I saw our old dog we lost (16yrs) out of the corner of my eye for ages after, although this was strangely comforting.

Hi again Johnny, I read this post not long after you wrote it but was unable to reply at the time. You did the very best for Mase and I am sure that, if he could, he would have told you that.

I lost my best friend and first Staff some 20 years ago and like you, we battled for as long as we could to keep her with us but in the end you just have to make the toughest decision of all and let go as gently as you can.

She too, was a very special friend and simply couldn't be replaced. In the passing years I have had a family and really couldn't devote the time that our beautiful breed need, then two years ago I was persuaded to go to Battersea.

My Flo could never replace my first Staff but boy does she lighten our days. She is the funniest thing ever and we are blessed that she chose us. When you feel able to, I am sure you will once again be able to give a loving home to one of the worlds best and loving breeds.

They can never be replaced but in time your sadness will change to the very fondest of memories.

As others have said, there is someone here nearly all of the time, so feel free to chat whenever you want and share some wonderful memories when your able.

Wishing you all the best.

Aww I can't imagine how you are feeling now after so long together, he sounds like a really special little fella, you will get through this difficult time and you have so many happy memories of him so he will always be with you xxx

RIP Mase, run free xxx

i know what you are going through i all i can say is that i does get easier as time goes on. i had to have my bess put to sleep 7 years ago at the age of 14. she had an enlarged heart and there was nothing the vet could do so i had to do the kindest thing i could for her. i said never again will i go through that! no more dogs it hurts too much when they go.
now i look at my beautiful tessa, black brindle and white and the image of bess, and i'm glad i changed my mind about another dog. but i know that one day she will break my heart.
i guess my point is that we live a lot longer than they do but they are always with us in our hearts and in our memories so actually we never really lose them. just remember the good times and smile when you think of him.

I would like to thank every one of you for such heart felt replies and it's made me smile the amount of great owners out there. I'm gonna have a search up next week to see if I can find a rescue centre near me to offer anything I can.

I know so many people who have had so many dogs in their life and continue to do so but always wondered why. I now know and will probably end up bringing a rescue dog home one day.

I still hurt every second but I'm trying to see past it now and look to help other Staffies out there. Thanks for the support guys.

RIP Mase, & watch over your family xx I'm so v sorry to hear of your loss, my heart breaks for you. Remember you're not alone & we're all here for support x

Sorry for your loss, I think we're coming up to the time to let ruby go and I can't bear it, even though I've been grieving for the dog she was for nearly a year.
It does help to chat on here. Best wishes x

Sorry for your loss, I think we're coming up to the time to let ruby go and I can't bear it, even though I've been grieving for the dog she was for nearly a year.
It does help to chat on here. Best wishes x

I know exactly what you mean when you say you lost your best friend. People who have never had a dog will never understand the deep bond - it is impossible, in fact, to put into words.

I think we all dread the day this happens to us but I suppose it is better this way around - I can't bear to think of my own dog lost and disoriented if I were to pass before him.

I think it is a testament to your instincts that you knew something was wrong even when more than one vet was telling you otherwise. It must have been so difficult to watch your dear buddy in such a state of confusion - I can understand that you would feel shocked and helpless at what he, and you, both had to go through. And shocked also at what a big part in your life he really was.

It is also amazing and brave that you would open your heart and home to a new dog. You will be saving a life in doing so. Nothing will replace Mase but - thank goodness - all Staffies are unique, every one of them touches our lives in slightly different ways.

You spent that car money wisely at 17, although I'm sure lots of people at the time wouldn't have understood it at all. How lucky both you and Mase were to have found each other. How lucky we all are to have had the experience of a little Staffy in our lives - it's what keeps us coming back to this forum - it's a bond that is impossible to describe. Other people probably think we're mad but we know we're lucky.

I would love to know more about Mase, if you would like to share some happy memories: how you knew he was the dog for you, what was special about him.

Please keep us up to date and let us know what happens.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write all this down. I think it is a comfort to those of us who have lost a dog.

I am so sorry for your loss. Very difficult time. I have lost two Staffords over the years, one 18 yr old, one 6 yr old.

Small things throughout my life happen that remind me of one or both of my friends. Always brings a smile with the sadness.

Take comfort in the fact that Mase had a very dedicated and loyal friend to enjoy life with was obviously loved very much. These things are what make a Stafford Happy.

Sorry to hear about Mase. It must have been hard to let him go. They say people break your heart all the time but a dog only does it once. You will know when the time feels right to get another dog. You can also post here  https://staffy-bull-terrier.niceboard.com/f38-pet-memorial-forum

This brought tears to my eyes I can't imagine how much it hurts Time is a great healer and maybe when you are ready Mase will send one of his fellow staffies to you for you to rescue

So very sorry to hear of your loss Johnny, Mase was a very handsome lad.

Moved to the Staffy Pet Memorial Forum so others can also pay tribute to this beautiful boy.

Thanks for all the kind words guys.

Actually had a dream last night he was back with me, sitting on my sofa next to me licking me to death like he always did. Even in the dream I knew it was a dream and tried to stay in it as long as I could. He was the happiest I've seen him for a long while, tail going crazy, putting his front paws on my shoulders to get close. So today is the first time I've woke up smiling for about a week.

I'm hoping that Mase is up in the clouds somewhere running around playing with all the other poor Staffies who were made to leave us so soon and that it was his spirit in the dream, so happy to be reunited with me again.

I'll never forgot that boy.

That's a good sign Johnny I believe a lot in dreams and probably his way of letting you know he is ok and having a good ol party with other passed pooches.
Glad its made you feel a little happier today and he is with you all the time in spirit xxx

RIP Mase you gorgeous boy,words fail me as i cant imagine how you must be feeling,like whats been said time is a great healer   

so sad to read, my heart goes out to you, but atleast he didnt suffer for long. though its so much worse when you werent expecting it. our old gsd boy was walking on jan 6th and pts on jan 8th unable to walk. such a shock. I hope the memory of mase can inspire you to help another